Hmmm....

Help.

2010-03-04T20:56:00.001+08:00

help.

Happy kid.

2010-03-04T18:20:00.002+08:00

I should take more risks in my life. It can't be this bland forever. I want new things. I want to meet new people. I want, I want, I want.

I can't be a test. I can't get my heart broken. I can't handle that kind of pain; not again. I wouldn't be able to crawl out from the debris. My foolproof, steel barricade is melting. I don't want it to, but there are certain things in life that can't be helped. I'm human after all. I need to feel, or so they tell me.

I want you. So badly. I need a game plan.

S.

...

2010-02-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

I've probably mentioned this in another post, but my CAP deadline is this Friday. I'm totally freaking out because my mentor isn't responding and I still have one more piece to write (or edit) by the deadline! I really don't wanna be working last minute, but the situation isn't really leaving me much of a choice!

Plus, another story is hitting me SO hard right now. I wish I could get it out ASAP, but it's promising to be quite a long story, and I don't have that much time! Why, why, why, why do I have a prior educational commitment? Why? It would all be so easy if I were poor and education in my family wasn't compulsory. (At this point, I do realize that my thoughts are a little juvenile, but...)

Anywho, I want to watch this play called Blackbird. The brochure intrigued me. Go check out Sistic for more info.

S.

I'm not scared.

2010-02-14T00:15:00.006+08:00

I have huge deadlines coming up.
The word scares me.
I refuse to believe I'm a grown up.
And have to deal with shit like that.

I can always see myself doing nothing,
nothing but writing the whole day.
Then my mother comes into the picture
and fucks zen up.

Maybe in twenty years
I'll thank her for being my inspiration.
Cuz everyone knows that rough emotions
can get you writing.
And if my mother does anything well,
it's making me feel worthless, talentless and trashy.
That's gotta be good inspiration, right?
No? Oh well.

*

I've been scared lately. I keep hearing voices in my head. I keep zoning out of reality and into my own little world. I hope I'm not slamming into the loony bin. I'm much too young for that.

The writing's going well. I love the story I'm working on at the moment. It's a beautiful coming out piece that's really reflective, yet in some ways, more exciting than the actual thing. I think it's going to be great, but the readers sometimes have a different opinion of the end product.

Went out with Myit today. I love spending time with her. She's so... different from anyone else.

*

And then, she said
there are moments where everything is blurred
and the rush of her laughter
blinds you to the sun
and you feel yourself,
hanging, hanging,
leaning closer,falling
and saying
I'm sorry. I cannot do this.

*

...

2010-02-14T00:15:00.001+08:00

Emo shit and whatnot.
I'm sorry, it's my blog.

*

First week of school.

2010-01-17T15:49:00.003+08:00

I woke up today and felt like it was any other day. I couldn't remember what I used to do on Sundays. Do I slack first and start with the homework later? Or is it the other way around? I've so many options to choose from that I can't seem to make a decision.

Sometime during last year, I began to realize that my blog is just sad. I use it for nothing but an outlet when I'm upset. I never blog about the happy things that come my way. And since I don't celebrate thanksgiving either, I think my life lacks a little sunshine.

But even as I think to myself that I've to blog about the good things, I know that the 'good' things will sound rather fake on my funeral of a blog. I just don't feel comfortable talking about nice things. Please don't ask me why; I wouldn't be able to answer you.

I think about the future a lot. Things with my mum are better now, but I don't know when it's gonna get worse. It scares me, really, but I try not to let it affect me. I write about it, delete what I write, then write the same thing again. It helps me cope. Like the way sex or religion helps others do.

I've been having dreams. Really graphic dreams that I don't want to end. I feel like I know the people in them because they're so familiar, but then again, they have no faces. I wish someone would tell me they're my future or something. At least then I would be able to tick something off my list of insecurities for the future.

University is foremost in my mind. I'm afraid I won't get into a good one. And I'm afraid I'll end up studying here.

I can't blog anymore without boring myself.

Thanks for reading.

S.

...

2010-01-12T21:30:00.001+08:00

I'm turning up the music so loud because I don't want to hear what's going on outside.

2010-01-11T21:52:00.001+08:00

"Then you should have died! Died, rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you !"

Joanne Kathleen Rowling

My conscience slays me. Because I had the power but deigned to use it.

*

Nothing interesting to update about myself, but congratulations Tharsh and Kiru for pulling through to J2! Love you, brats ;D

Thoughts. I have too many, eh?

2009-12-16T22:17:00.009+08:00

This woman's voice makes the meaning of the song stand out. Katy Perry just sounded like she didn't mind getting laid with any guy. Oh well.

*

Look...

look...

look again...

look some more...

and some more...

and then some more...

the last one, I promise.

I've been thinking of traveling. A lot. Every time I get some time to think, I think of places I haven't seen, the people I haven't met. I know it's not the first time I've blogged about the wonders of travel, but bear with me. If there was a psychological term for someone who's addicted to travel then I'd probably use that on me. It's that bad. Seriously.

Sometimes it's frustrating, knowing that I can't do anything about my predicament but wanting. The wanting is that which kills. Gnaws at your soul even though you will it to subside, to lay off for just a fucking year. But it doesn't happen, and it rules your mind constantly and whips it into submission.

"Oh, ruthless high king of Shali's mind. Where art thou heading thusly?"

"New Zealand, France, Turkey. Anything to thwart her from focusing on tasks!"

OK, I'm just feeling a little lame. Everyone has their lame moments.

So yeah. That's what's been on my mind lately.

Oh, and the fact that I lost my phone in a cab the other day is not for behind.

God, I miss my baby :(

Whoever took it should die a death worthy of seventy sinners. < insert proper curse here >

That's it for now.

Blog laterrrr.

Ciaociaociao.

Shali.

Something lighter

2009-12-14T22:28:00.002+08:00

I finally got a job! It was a really shitty/boring job, but it paid ten bucks an hour! YEAHH. Saturday was payday and I got 240$ for two days of work! Imagine that :O

Spent the day with Neena & Nanthini yesterday. It was the first time I went out with Nanthini. She's really adorable and fun to talk to. For a first-time thing it was one of the least awkward situations I've found myself in! YAY for new friends! :D

We did our nails in this random shop at yishun and it doesn't look too bad. My toes are awesome, though! They're an amazing blue color.

For Christmas this year, I think I'll be getting presents for friends and family as well. Just because I earned some money this year and I feel like spreading the joy. I've just gotta decide what to get first. HAHA.

S.

Rant post.

2009-12-14T22:11:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I thank whoever's listening that I am my mother's daughter. I don't think anyone else could handle what I go through everyday, each day. If I didn't have my ego for a bolster or expert tuning-out skills, I'll probably be an emotional cripple by now. And in certain ways, I think I am.

Sometimes, I feel bad for her, too. I mean, she couldn't possibly want me for a daughter - she says as much every time she sees my face. She wants someone skinny and pretty and someone she can show off to all her friends. She wants a daughter who can play the piano, who'll take up classical Indian dance and run around wearing pinks and yellows and who'll giggle over the cutest guys.

I don't think I'm far from that, but she seems to think so. She wants plastic, and I can't give her that. I am who I am. And I'm happy.

She reminds me all the time that I'm ugly without my rebonded hair, that I have no talent, that I'm fat. And I'm like, so what? I know what my flaws are, and I can deal with 'em. She obviously thinks that there's something very, very wrong with me because I don't want to look like every other girl does or wear colors all the time. She doesn't think black's a color.

She hates everything I like. And sometimes, I think it's more on principle than anything else. She just forbade me from marrying black men. There's nothing I can say that could accurately describe my outrage. Ignorance is something I can't tolerate, and the perfect irony is that I'm born into this family.

I'm not saying that she's all bad. She has her faults, but she's still my mother. I'm not saying I'll build a shrine for her, but I've got to appreciate the fact that she birthed me. Well, maybe, when I'm a successful author/editor/businesswoman, and I can't commit to a relationship, I'll talk to a psychiatrist and find out what my problem is. And he/she will tell me that deep, deep, down, I really do think I'm hideous and talentless and a waste of space on earth. A side-effect borne from bad parenting.

All in due time.

If I'm ever a mother, I'll call my kids beautiful even if they have three eyes and seventeen feet.

S.

-

2009-11-23T22:23:00.003+08:00

I CANNOT STAND THAT I'M NOT UP-TO-STANDARD.
I CANNOT STAND THAT I DON'T HAVE WHAT THEY HAVE.
I CANNOT STAND THAT I'M NOT THE BEST.
I CANNOT STAND THAT I DON'T HAVE A JOB.
I CANNOT STAND THAT I DON'T HAVE MONEY.
I CANNOT STAND THAT MY LIFE FEELS EMPTY.
I CANNOT STAND THAT I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR UNI.
I CANNOT STAND THAT I FORGOT TO CLEAR MY LOCKER.
I CANNOT STAND THAT PEOPLE TWEET ABOUT THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS WHEN I HAVE NONE.
I CANNOT STAND THAT I CAN'T DO WHAT I LOVE FOR A LIVING.

I KNOW I'M JEALOUS OF THE WORLD. CAN YOU BLAME ME?

IF YOU THINK I WHINE, THEN TOO BAD. IT'S MY BLOG. DEAL WITH IT, BITCHES.

SHALI

My life is a sad rainbow.

2009-11-23T19:28:00.003+08:00

I am flat broke. Food at home sucks ass. I have no job.
I know my life can get worse, but this is pretty damn bad already.

*

Went out with Myit yesterday. I had a job interview, and she had no choice but to tag along. It's nice, I think, to just hang with her and not have to worry about what she'll think of me if I make a lame or simply stupid comment. She gets my jokes most of the time, and that's a comfort in itself.

Anyway, we sat at the amphitheater and had ice cream and sushi after a pizza hut lunch. We bought the two litre tub of ripple vanilla ice cream and totally became pigs for those couple of hours. She dug a hole on her side of the tub, and I just attacked the ripples. What? I like the gooey strawberry stuff.

You know, I wish I could write more about our day together. But there are just some things that are best savored in memory.

S.

...

2009-11-19T16:03:00.001+08:00

Thou shalt require drastic measures.

Crap

2009-11-18T16:35:00.001+08:00

I need a break from myself. No, really. I can't stand myself anymore. I have these stupid goals that I always tell myself that I have to fulfill and when I do, I realize it's for nothing, really. What a fucking waste of time.

I'm so tired, but I can't seem to stop.

I really need a break from myself.

Can I be you for a day, babe? Please and thank you.

Shali.

Check this!

2009-11-17T23:36:00.001+08:00

This made me laugh so hard!

I don't know.

2009-11-15T01:27:00.002+08:00

I wonder, I wonder.
I wonder if you know that I look at you when you look away,
that I'm listening when you think I'm not,
that I never cancel dates if I don't absolutely have to,
that I never intentionally forget to reply to your messages,
that I never forget to think of you each morning,
that I never seem not to miss your smile,
that I always look for you in a crowd if there's the slightest chance you'll be there,
that I think you always look perfect even if your hair's completely mussed,
that, perhaps, I like you, just a little. Just a little.

I think you should know, just that one thing you probably don't know. Read between the lines and you'll understand, for my words are reflections of my heart.

I hate making first moves. Help me out here, please?

*

Justin Bieber

2009-11-13T21:16:00.004+08:00

I'm in love, all over again. This time with a guy who's two years younger than me. Well, at least in ten years, no one would care(:

Is it just me, or does he have the 'Shane' look? It would explain a lot.

*

That's Alesha Dixon. Doesn't she look super edible? She's got curves for months, and then some. I love her! You've gotta watch her 'The boy does nothing' music video. You'll just drool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pigw0qtAl4

^ I forgot how to embed videos /: Sorry ya'll. But it's worth checking out.

*

So what've I been doing over the past few days? Nothing, really. Just hanging by myself, feeling sick. Met with Tharsh, Kiru & Akshy yesterday, just for the fun of it. Then went shopping with Aksh. One day, babe, I swear I'm gonna get you a new pair of jeans. Then got home and started writing. Posting a new chapter tonight (yay me).

The above paragraph feels rather staccato-ish. Do you sense it, too?

Anyway, I've been learning to play You and Me by Lifehouse on the guitar. It hasn't been bad so far; it actually sounds like the song. So yeah.

Oh gosh. I give up. Now whenever I blog, I keep thinking, 'Damn. So many people are reading this. Wonder what they'll think of me.' And it's making my post so un-reader-friendly. Maybe it'll wear off, 'cuz I sure as hell am not gonna create a new blog. We'll see. /:

*tsks at stupid, wasted post*

Ciao babes.

S.

P.S. WATCH THE VIDEO AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A GLASS TO CATCH YOUR EYEBALLS WHEN THEY POP.

Taking a break from life.

2009-11-10T22:16:00.003+08:00

Alesha Dixon is the kind of woman I call too much to handle.

Impressed

2009-11-10T18:34:00.001+08:00

More people frequent my blog than I thought. Fantastic.

I really need a viewer count.

Just a note.

2009-11-09T23:05:00.003+08:00

What I tell you is from me to you. If you relay it to someone else, then it just proves how little you think of me.

If, a year ago, I said the same thing to you, you'd actually have given it some thought. Now I'm just some addition to your life that you'd rather be rid of. I don't blame you, exactly. I didn't pay you much attention when I had my own life; neither did I actually try and make friends with you when I could've in SMSS. You were just the loner, the friendless. Someone I used to pity, just a bit. Then you began hanging with the 'cool' crowd as the year passed and everyone could tell you liked the attention. So did you actually like your friends or was it just the attention? Hell if I know. I'm just saying everything that everyone kept locked away so they wouldn't hurt your feelings. Well, too bad. You hurt mine, babe, now I've giving it all back.

So, what now? Are you just seeking attention behind the veil of soul-searching? Do you want to risk everything for a year of mistakes? Don't you think the people who care about you will actually worry for you? Don't you think we care? Do these words ring false in your ear or are they telling you that it's false? These people, you know them for a couple of months. You've known us longer. We were always there for you, even if it cracked our ego. Now you're just some backstabbing bitch who wants us off your back.

Hell, I know how it feels to want a new life and leave your old in the dust. But I'd only understand if your old life was something bad and you wanted a change. But yours wasn't. And though I shan't comment about you 'new' life, I know that it hasn't done you much good. I know your character very well. You're a follower. You study when the others study. You do what your friends do because you want to be accepted. Now I'm not sure that's a good thing.

It's partly our fault. We taught you to lie to your parents about staying in school and going out with friends. But we assumed you'd know the limit; it sucks balls that we were wrong. I have a clear enough mind to accept that I'm in the wrong, partly. But can you see yourself as you are now? Can you take a step back and look?

I've always felt protective of you, just like I've felt protective of all my babies. I just hope you understand that I'm not the devil; I'm not here to tear you apart from your pleasures. I just want you to look... and see. If you see, and you want to live that way, then I'll let you alone.

After all, if you fuck up, it's your own problem. I can say I helped, and whistle as I walk away from your burning carcass.

As Frida Kahlo once said, "You're always alone in pain".

So suck it up, babe. Life's hitting you hard. But I'm always here. If your eyes are open, come back and talk to me.

*

Me, you & us.

2009-11-04T02:24:00.003+08:00

To those who believed, the world thanks you.

*

Well, this week's been OK. PW's foremost on my mind. I think I've done nothing but PW slides/script/practice, and writing through the weekend. The stories are getting along great, but I've received several threatening emails from fans asking me to hurry with the next chapter. LOL. Authors aren't robots, people, even though they might seem like the kind of people to sit behind the computer screen all day, everyday. /:

OK, so I've been planning my holiday, too. Well, my dream holiday, at least. I want to go back to Turkey. It's really a beautiful place, with architecture that could rival Rome's. My next story/novel/dabbling is also based in Turkey, so the main reason I want to head there is to do some research. I remember bits and pieces of the culture, food and whatnot, but I want more. And I doubt that typing 'Turkey local culture' into the google bar would do much good.

The best thing is that Turkey is relatively cheap, PLUS it's a great place to visit. I can just imagine hanging out with my my laptop and a cup of diluted Turkish coffee, looking out of the hotel window and thinking I never want to leave. Other than the language barrier, Turkey's almost the perfect city to live in... as a tourist, of course.

But the worst thing is that I'm stuck. Totally stuck in my room with PW on the to-do list and my mind in the clouds. I would love nothing more than to just command everything to stop and let me take a breath, a break, but I'm not that powerful, no matter how delusional I can get.

Now I've come to the conclusion that this post has been nothing but rambles. Ah, too bad. You've read it anyway.

Later, sexies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLyjT3K9u_M&feature=related

Creativity.

2009-10-23T00:44:00.002+08:00

I should've told her. I know I should have. She was there. Perfect, and in my arms. I've always known. But I doubt she's even thought of it before. She accepts my dress, my presents, and thinks of it as an offer of friendship. But it's wrong, it's all wrong. It's muddled where it really matters. I thought I knew, but now I realize I don't. I want her. I want to tell her exactly how I feel when she drapes herself around me, fucking, fucking sexy. But she loves to tease. She holds me when she knows the bus is coming, and I have no time, no time at all to tell her. Her smile tells me she knows. But then again, she doesn't. I'm confused. Why can't it be simple? Why can't I let it be simple? Why can't she make the first move? Why can't I come up with the right words? Help me, help me. I'm drowning in my own words, my memories, my own voice. I tell myself to let go. It's done, it's gone. Or is it? Do I relive the memories every day? Common things remind me of her. Packets of tissue, files, that particular pen. That handwriting. I think I'm crazy, but I know I'm not. My friends know I'm not. My family knows I'm not. My dog knows I'm not. But the lizard in the garden knows I am. Maybe it's him that I talk to at night, when my sleeping soul wanders, wanders. Waiting to find hers, to finally lay down and rest.

*

Use your imagination. Not everything is literal.

*

I wanted to post a segment of my new story, but I realized that it's slightly cheesy. So I'm not going to.

*

Update on museum with Myit later!

Shali

Human Capability

2009-10-02T22:45:00.003+08:00

Does the presence of the XX chromosome in our body have anything to do with women (some or most) being bisexual? Are societal norms making us think that we should be attracted to men? Are men, with their odd XY chromosomes, supposed to be the bisexuals by nature? Why must the XX be attracted to the XY? Why can't the XX be attracted to the XX? Doesn't it sound 'NORMAL' for the XX to associate with the similar species? Shouldn't we dissociate with the XY?

I don't know. Just thoughts.

Anastrophe

2009-09-30T12:36:00.001+08:00

I walked up the door,
shut the stairs,
said my shoes,
took off my prayers,
turned off my bed,
got into the light,
all because
you kissed me goodnight.

- "Just Because" by Natalie Dorsch.

There's a literary device used. I just figured it out. Enjoy(:

Evolution

2009-09-20T15:37:00.001+08:00

We don't exactly know if the chicken came from the egg, or the egg, from the chicken.

So how in hell do we know that god created man, and not the other way around?

I was thinking...

2009-09-19T11:58:00.002+08:00

I was thinking...

What makes a man, a man? The voice? The dick? The I-like-violence attitude?
I was thinking about this while writing yesterday, and I cannot understand why men who're inclined to a softer way of life are considered 'feminine' or 'gay'. Why isn't it legal for men to NOT like violence or horror movies or video games when women like EVERYTHING. No one's going around calling me gay just 'cause I like horror flicks. So why does a guy seem 'soft' if he can't sit through two hours of blood & gore?

There're no answers to my questions - at least none that I could think of. I know that it's the world that views men that way, but why? Why is that particular reading open to men only? Why not women? Is living in a 'previously' male-dominated world coming back to bite us on our ass? These are just my theories, my opinions.

S.

Library Bliss.

2009-09-08T14:03:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm at the library. Just had PW meeting with the groupies. Man, are we loud. It's a wonder that we didn't get booted out after the first hour.

But they've left now, and I'm sitting with a bunch of ol' friend(s). They were rather nice to offer me a seat, but I can't hang in here for long. Bleh. I need a powerpoint for my laptop.

Anywhoo, I thought I could find a cozy spot at the cafe, like I used to do a couple of years back. But, obviously, the plan FAILED because so many kids just can't study at home. Ugh.

*

Ms Zobel's farewell dinner was last Friday. We had it at Cafeela @ Jalan Kayu (please don't judge me. Our class decided). But it was OK, especially since I bargained with the cute Indian guy for the indoor seats. Anyway, it wasn't dinner that was the highlight, but dessert. We headed over to Mad Jack for it, and I learnt how to play FOOSBALL. Hotdamn, that was really exciting, though I couldn't play for peanuts. Zuhaili, though... hmm. I should let Shahidah explain that :P

I'm really gonna miss Ms. Zobel. I don't think I've ever felt SAD that a teacher's leaving, but there's always a first for everything, I suppose. I REALLY can't imagine Lit class without her sometimes-un-teacher-like jokes. Ms Lim could never compete, I think (I know. Shali, you're so mean!).

I've to go. Bat's running low. I want to write more, but hell. Update later.

Shali.

-.-

2009-09-04T15:01:00.000+08:00

Headache.

Morality

2009-09-01T18:49:00.002+08:00

Well, I've just passed a six hour marathon of PW. I would rejoice if that's all of it I'm gonna see today. Unfortunately, it isn't. I still have Chapter Three to go. Even though I know that spending time on PW would be worth it in the end, I can't help but think that spending all that time writing would benefit me even more. I told myself that I can write all I want after O's, but now I'm a bloody liar, aren't I?

Damn, damn.

Anywho, I just argued with my Mum about my dog. She went to pay for his license today and that asshole dog-checker told my mum to sterilize him. And now she wants to. I don't understand how she could! I mean, Romeo's like a son to her, isn't he? Can you imagine permanently making a member of the family impotent? How would he feel? Don't you think he'll know that something's been taken from him? Why can't people see that it isn't morally right to do such things to beings that can't even defend themselves? It should be a choice to get tied, and since animals can't make that choice, they should be left alone. PETA should be against this, but it isn't. In fact, it encourages sterilization. If pinching off a man-dog's manliness isn't cruelty to animals, then I don't know what is. PETA says that it has saved an "estimated 160,000 cats and dogs from becoming casualties of the homeless-animal overpopulation crisis". Do ya'll remember the lifeboat theory? It's better to let the boat sink with everyone on it whilst waiting for help, then throw a few people overboard to ensure that a few survive? Exactly.

My morals choke me sometimes. But I won't apologize for it. Bring it on, mo'fuckers, if you believe otherwise.

Shali

PW

2009-09-01T14:03:00.002+08:00

Help me, god.

Aung San Suu Kyi

2009-08-23T20:56:00.004+08:00

We're doing the chapter on the Independence of SEAsian nations for history right now, and I came across this woman who somehow seemed vaguely familiar to me. Her name's Aung San Suu Kyi (pronounced Ong Sahn Soo Chi) and she's the daughter of Aung San, the father of Burmese independence.

I've no idea why or how, but I feel a connection to her. Totally surreal, right? But I do. Maybe I've seen her picture when I was younger, or heard my mum speak of her. When I first saw her picture, I thought, 'Have I seen this woman somewhere?'. Then I googled her today and saw a picture of her standing by a window with sunlight streaming through the shutters and I got goosebumps.

What's wrong with me?

I have no freakin' idea.

I mean, it's not the fact that the woman's old enough to be my grandma, it's just the idea of someone from my past life that scares me. I know, I know. It's so unlike me to believe in all that past life shit, but what if it's true? I've never had this happen to me before, but I feel like I should know that woman. Hell, this is scary. But the feeling doesn't want to dissipate.

I think I have the most permanent goosebumps of the century on my arms.

I'm totally weirded out.

Bleh.

Self-centerdness is the way of the world.

2009-07-28T14:12:00.002+08:00

Is it just me, or are people getting more selfish lately? I do get it; your future is important, but doesn't anyone have stray thoughts regarding OTHER people?

Or am I expecting too much of humankind?

Perhaps.

Anyway, school's been all right lately. Got back the term results, failed two subjects, and lost a few friends. So what? I have to move on.

In the library right now. Weird thing to do in the library -- blogging. It's a personal thing that I've made private. I suppose it isn't the worst thing that I've made private.

Ciao.

Eliz Bishop

2009-06-01T06:35:00.002+08:00

Insomnia:

The moon in the bureau mirror
looks out a million miles
(and perhaps with pride, at herself,
but she never, never smiles)
far and away beyond sleep, or
perhaps she's a daytime sleeper.

By the Universe deserted,
she'd tell it to go to hell,
and she'd find a body of water,
or a mirror, on which to dwell.
So wrap up care in a cobweb
and drop it down the well

into that world inverted
where left is always right,
where the shadows are really the body,
where we stay awake all night,
where the heavens are shallow as the sea
is now deep, and you love me.

Beautiful. So fucking beautiful.

*

<3
S.

ADDICTED.

2009-05-31T23:44:00.004+08:00

Loadsa shit in my life right now. Need to put it all in the closet. Give me time, give me time.

In your next letter I wish you'd say
where you are going and what you are doing;
how are the plays and after the plays
what other pleasures you're pursuing:

taking cabs in the middle of the night,
driving as if to save your soul
where the road gose round and round the park
and the meter glares like a moral owl,

and the trees look so queer and green
standing alone in big black caves
and suddenly you're in a different place
where everything seems to happen in waves,

and most of the jokes you just can't catch,
like dirty words rubbed off a slate,
and the songs are loud but somehow dim
and it gets so teribly late,

and coming out of the brownstone house
to the gray sidewalk, the watered street,
one side of the buildings rises with the sun
like a glistening field of wheat.

--Wheat, not oats, dear. I'm afraid
if it's wheat it's none of your sowing,
nevertheless I'd like to know
what you are doing and where you are going.

- Elizabeth Bishop.

I think I'm in love with that woman. She's so bloody amazing.

Shali.

To the world: screw you.

2009-05-23T17:19:00.006+08:00

School's all there is to life right now. Perhaps once in a while I'd get a breather, like the Stage drama production last Friday or the 25th anniversary concert this Sunday. Other than those little fun-bits, I rarely get 'alone time' anymore. Too many subjects to start passing, too many people to catch up with, appearances to keep up. Damn it, damn it.

I don't know why we just accept it, you know. Singaporeans. Anything the government draws up for us is good? Doesn't ANYONE think that the school system sucks? We're SEVENTEEN for god's sake, and we've already been through THREE stressful examinations (PSLE, Streaming & O's). You know, I think that if we didn't have the internet or TV, we'd just think that this is life and get on with it. But this isn't life, and I don't want this life. If I had a choice, I'd pack up and leave. Fuck a degree, fuck holding up the family name. Do I give a shit? No. But then again, self-deception IS my forte.

*

REACH Cambridge trip is canceled. One of the few things that I had the elusive adrenaline rush for is gone. Just like that. Why, you ask? Bloody swines.

*

The metrosexual guy with the Fendi flair
the Titan with the voice to match
mistress of laughter bigger than the world
with one quieter than a mouse on a mission.
squeals as sneezes come only from one
and brusqueness is disguised as sweetness in another
dare you be cynical with him
or get serious with the monkey
total opposites
unlike the strength of the racket
or the warmth of the baller.
challenged in this democratic city
or just unusual in this sane world,
he's always cool - the player, the loyal boyfriend.
She's always up for a drink,
while he counts hoops during econs.
Subway's on her to-do list,
while the other doesn't have one.

My class... such a bunch of unique people.

37<3

*

I found some interesting pictures a few weeks back, and I've been contemplating posting them. They're quite sexual... aww, hell. They're too beautiful not to share.

*Adult content warning here*
Study each picture. They're beautiful.

This picture spoke to me. No, seriously.

> My vision of perfection.

Beautiful, aren't they? I got goosebumps just looking at them. Someone aught to write poetry about them. Hmmm.

<3
Shali.

No one else matters...

2009-05-06T03:54:00.003+08:00

Babe, where did you come from?
You've got me so undone.

AH, Chris! Happy Birthday!
No matter what everyone else says, I still have faith in you.

Why me?
Is it only me?
So bloody close.
I wish, I wish.

Just for laughs... As rare as those might be.

2009-05-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

Thanks for the link, Gran.
The vid's hilarious!

Lost and Delirious

2009-05-03T14:21:00.004+08:00

I cried while watching Lost and Delirious last night.
AGAIN.
There's just something about that film that makes me feel like putting aside everything that people tell me I have to do, and doing the things that I really want to. And the fact that I CAN'T do that just makes me feel shitty -- the reason for the tears.
Well, that, and the fact that I can do nothing to help the characters on the screen. That's one of the WORST feelings in the world.
For all those who haven't caught the movie, make sure you do. It's worth the watch, let me tell you. Piper Perabo is HOTHOTHOT, AND you get to see Mischa Barton as a weasly little thing :P

Link > http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2792161617422622706
Enjoy!
*

I suppose the reason I haven't been blogging is that there hasn't been much to blog about. Life's been all right, though it's seen better days. Shahidah's birthday was on Thursday(pictures soon!) and Celina's was on Monday(: Happy belated birthday to both of you!

*

I signed up for the Reach Cambridge program! Whoohoo! Two weeks of an immersion course in England sounds like heaven right about now. It might be intense, but who cares? My parents won't be there, and I'll be surrounded by everything English. If that isn't heaven, it's close.

And I'm not the only one who thinks that. Vincent's signing up for the program just to sit near the Thames under a lamppost. He says that's his vision of England :P Well, that AND him walking a dog with an ice-cream in the other hand. Vince, where do you get these weirdly adorable ideas?

*

JC CAP SELECTION RESULTS!
GUESS WHO'S IN?

FIRST STEP TO BEING PUBLISHED, BABY!
Now I've just gotta make it to the local-writer-mentor program...

*

Here's the story that I wrote for the Creative Writing Workshop last Wednesday. Yeah, it's the edited version :P

Ryan
Shali Selva
© 2009

I was texting several of my friends when he called me in.

His room was small and musty, as though the school didn’t really give a shit about their councilors. I adjusted the straps of my backpack as I waited for him to pull a chair down for me from a hook by the door. He was small and pale – figures, right? – and looked to be about half my height. I was told to call him Dr. Tan.

“And I suppose y-you’re Ryan?”

He had a slight stutter in his speech, one that would be adorable on any eight year old. On a forty-year-old doc, it seemed unprofessional. But, hey, if he knew his stuff and did his job, who was going to complain about a shoddy stutter, yeah?

“Yes, sir,” I said in response to his question.

He gestured for me to take a seat, and I waited until he did, to do so. There was an open file in front of him, and I knew even without peeking that it was my student record file. There wouldn’t be much in there; I was a good kid. The worst thing I’d done over the four years in school was to accidentally whack one of my friends in the face with a tennis racket.

He asked me several questions, most of which I answered truthfully. Class, friends, studies… Then I saw the change in his eyes. It was subtle and would’ve been unnoticeable, if I hadn’t been studying the tick on his forehead so intently. In a heartbeat, I felt like a worm under the target of a mama hawk hunting to feed its babies.

“You must understand that our school is a Catholic school, Ryan,” he started, and I reigned in the almost-undeniable urge to roll my eyes. “Relationships between young people are ill-advised. You should know that.”

It was expected, of course. The reason I was sent for counseling was because a teacher had spotted my girlfriend and I walking around Suntec, holding hands. Those kind of relationships were frowned upon – yeah, seriously, frowned upon – in our school, and the next thing I knew, I was scheduled for detention, plus five hours of counseling. And since I didn’t want a bad record, I’d actually showed up for it.

What I hadn’t realized then was that a counseling session was equivalent to a lecture.

Dr. Tan was sequential – he started off from the not-so-serious consequences of teenage relationships, to the impact of ruinous break-ups. By the time he arrived at the intricacies of pre-marital sex, I was wishing myself dead.

I was only scheduled for an hour, but he kept me longer, handing me a piece of paper and a pen, instructing me to write a paragraph on why I should dump my girlfriend (he didn’t put it in that way, of course). I felt like groaning, but realized that the more time I wasted, the less time I’d have for the date with Hannah. Oh, hell. It was just one paragraph after all. Hypocrisy be damned.

I finished it up as quickly as possible, handing the paper over to Dr. Tan. He looked it over, nodded in approval, and told me that I could leave. He also gave me his contact card, just in case I was ‘tempted’ again and needed someone to call for help. I didn’t start laughing until I was in the hallway.

My laughter was cut short, however, by the sudden vibrations of my cell. Only one person would call me at this time of day. Mum. Shit!

True enough, it was her. I raised my eyes heavenward for five seconds, hoping whoever was up there would miraculously snip off the phone line at home. But it was no use. Once, twice, three times, she called me. I picked up on the third.

The first thing I heard was a blast of Hokkien that sounded like gobbledygook to me. Then, she translated her words for the understanding of us more earthly beings: “Girl ah, what time you coming home?”

*

I know it was a long post, despite the fact that I didn't have much to blog about in the first place. But what can I say? Life's a long-winded story(:

*

strips of Calvin Klein
by the bed
as I awaken
remind me
that the brand of your arm
around me
is not another
remnant
of a meaningless night.

Go figure ;)

<3
Shali.

Recap on the week...

2009-04-18T12:30:00.003+08:00

So, Cyril Wong's workshop was on Thurs. I thought he was all right, though the guy has serious tact issues. What I don't understand is how one can rate another's poem in five seconds, without giving it a serious, in-depth read. I don't have anything against him -- he didn't say anything about MY poem -- but he criticized a few others quite harshly. I can just imagine how the writers felt. He should know, after all, how it feels to be dissed. We were all writing for the fun of it. In my opinion, you CAN'T grade a poem because ONE poem could mean MANY things to different people.

Anyway, at the end of the workshop, Cyril picked two poems he liked. The first one was 'Everything you say, cuts' and the second was 'When grandma came home, the furniture danced...' IMO, wow. Those were nothing compared to Adeline's poem (sorry, but I can't remember how it started!). I mean, even a kid could come up with 'furniture danced'. I wasn't impressed by the imagery, and I thought him a total spaz for not being able to tell true poetry apart from the lot. But, oh well. He's the published one, right?

Well, that was Thursday. Oh yeah! Thanks, Gran, for accompanying me to AMK hub... and for carrying my file. I know how bloody heavy that thing is(: You're a great buddy. (Hmmm... did I just say that?)

So, moving on. Friday, Friday. School as usual. History and Econs lecture in succession killed the ten thriving brain cells that I had. And after that, Ms Usha sorta scolded me for giving the GP teacher a hard time. Hey, it wasn't my fault! I swear! I always speak when spoken to, and that's what I was doing. If bombs exploded along the way, it isn't my problem.

She picked on me.

Tough life; it sucks being so tall. You stick out in the lecture theatre /:

Oh wells. To brighten my day, Baby and I met Akshy at Macs@J8. I had a sequence of epiphanies during those two or so hours.

1) I call quite a few things my 'baby'. Kiru, my guitar, my laptop, my old phone... Baby, baby, baby.

2) I'm in worse shit than I thought I was. Ah, fuck.

3) I miss US! The HTL gang. Oh my french fries! (Bryan, the fries thing caught on :P) I haven't SPOKEN to my man or Tharsh in a LOOOONG time. Come on, guys. We're in the SAME godforsaken school. We can find some time to sit and talk, right? Or maybe we're all accidentallyonpurpose-busy. Hmmm.

Yeah. As you could tell by now, the flow of consciousness in my head was somewhat like Mrs. Ramsay's, except that coherence was a part of it. Too many thoughts, too many feelings -- everyone of them as I bowed over the holy tray of fries :( Let me tell you, they didn't make fried potato taste any better.

Oh, and before I forget,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRYAN!(:

*

YiLing: Shali, are you mixed?
Me: Huh? Mixed what?
YiLing: Like, mixed. Or are you real/pure Indian?
Me: Purely Indian, yeah. Haha.

Don't worry, chica. You're not the only person to ask :P Myit thought I was Afro American. Hmmm...

Logging off now.
Shali.

P.S. The picture of Degenerossi is related to the poem that I wrote.

A myriad of glitter
And all I see is
You.

I wonder

2009-04-11T14:19:00.002+08:00

I wonder why I cry
when the blade lies gleaming
nearby.

*

Two plays in two days! I'm on a roll! HAHA.
Well, on Thurs I went for 'The Importance of Being Earnest', a play by W!LDRICE. It's an Oscar Wilde classic that was twisted to fit an all-male cast. I have to say, it was well done, even though some might call it fag-gy (a word which I DO NOT approve of, by the way). The men who played women pulled off their roles amazingly well, especially the Ivan-something who played Lady Fairfax. I swear that I could NEVER beat his performance. But then again, I'm not that girly.

Moving on to Fri. I WENT FOR AC'S ODYSSEY. I've been looking forward to it for a while now... for a number of reasons *wriggles eyebrows at Akshy*. And I should say that I wasn't disappointed. The best part was the costumes! Oh, oh, oh. They were amazing! I especially loved the halter-necked, black and gold dress that one of the girls was wearing. Pretty, pretty. And the glitter tattoos were beyond cool.

Of course, the one unmentionable person I paid 25 buckaroos to ogle was the best thing that happened to me over the past few weeks.

The color of sea stones
of musk and goddess
my fantasies of you.

LOVELOVE,
Shali

I'm Nowhere.

2009-04-07T20:44:00.002+08:00

Like fireflies
It twitters.
Molten gold
Sprinkled over
Night.
Reaching out to
Touch it.
It's wings brush
Across my fingertips.
Lustful in its blatant
Need.
Does it need me?

It's everywhere.
Glowing bright and red
And I cry out.
Come here, please.
But it does not hear me.
You feel it.
They feel it.
It's everywhere.
And nowhere.
I'm nowhere.

*

A good bottle of beer mends a broken heart, they say. But what if I don't want to mend? I lust, I burn, I fucking need. If you can, I can, too.

Blah.

2009-03-14T22:26:00.002+08:00

A glass of Coke and Merlot is all it takes to soothe a sore heart.
The two make a beautiful companion - the Coke sweet, and the Merlot undeniably bitter.
Overall however, it makes your stomach burn with something other than grief, and take your mind off matters at hand. I like it. I'm calling it 'Shali's Heaven'.
Don't be alarmed; I'm not an alcohol addict or anything. My parents opened a bottle of it, so I decided to pour myself a glass as well.

Anyway, today was all right. Accompanied the TL members to watch the semi-finals for the debate competition. We lost. But I didn't think we deserved to lose. Oh well. Can't change things now, can I?

And after that, the TL members went out for dinner at the Adam Road Food Center. I've drawn just one conclusion: I don't belong in TL. I hate to say it -- admit it, really -- but I don't fit in. People there are, well, Tamil-y. And I'm, well, NOT. I don't listen to Tamil songs, and it's been EONS since I even spoke Tamil to ANYONE. So you can see where I'm coming from. I want to be a part of the group, but...

Nothing else to blog about I suppose.

I miss a time where I actually belonged.

Shali.

Someone, please.

2009-03-12T20:47:00.005+08:00

I miss giving hugs.
I miss receiving hugs.
I hate to have to ask for some.
But I can't help it.
It's like, St Marg's left more of an impact in me than I thought it had. It taught me to learn the effectiveness of such a simple gesture. You have no idea how long it's been since someone gave me an honest-to-goodness, bear-like hug. I guess that's what I miss most about school. AS far as I know, there has never been a shortage of hugs in it at all. But in AJ, the atmosphere's totally different, so I think hugs between friends are pretty much misinterpreted. Yep. The Singaporean mentality creeps up again.

Anyway, we had the inter-house Captain's ball game again. We lost. I know. So surprising, right? With me on the team? Sigh. But, then again, it's not our fault that we lost. At least we know that. And today totally reminded me of our inter-house netball game last year. Or was it the year before? God, that was a blast... partly cuz we DID win. Ah. Love the memories.

Oh yeah! I just remembered this. Jason and Gran with the gay bag that Gran carries to school. Weird, right? Hmmm.

:D :D :D

*

Me: Adeline, are you OK?
Ade: Huh?
Me: Are you OK?
Ade: Yeah, sure. Fine.
Me: Are you sure?
Ade: Ya, ya, ya.
Me: Do I need to fuss?
Ade: No.

So straightforward, so honest. Who can ask for more? Addie, you rock!

*

We've been discussing quite a bit about archetypes in Lit, and I find them interesting. The lessons are good, they make me think, but I don't like the feeling I get when the lesson's over -- sort of restless, but not knowing why. Probably part of the reason would be because I think women weren't treated with enough respect back in those days. And then, I link the lack of respect for the 'fairer' sex, back to - drum roll, please - the bible.

If any woman died an unnatural death back in the medieval times, she would most probably have the bible to blame. If we trace the root of all evils against females, we'll probably end up with the bible as well ( assuming we're talking about the dated West and parts of ME ). Why, you ask? Because the bible itself undermines women.

If you've read the book of Genesis, you might know that Eve was created from Adam's rib. I suppose we, as women, have to be thankful that god chose such a neutral part of Adam's anatomy, but besides that, by doing such a deed, god made Eve the subset of Adam. And as such, woman the subset of man. Why are women put forward as the 'fairer' sex, you ask? Blame god. He started all of this.

Furthermore, it has been said (In a Jewish novel published 6th century AD) that Eve was NOT Adam's first wife (or partner... or fuck toy. Whichever suits you), and that this woman called Lilith was his first. However, she was strong, a woman with backbone, and didn't want to serve 'under' Adam. She wanted equality. Thus, when Adam tried to force her into subservience, she took off and coupled with demons instead. That's when god realized that, to make women a class lower than men, he had to make women a subset of men (insert Adam and Eve's story here). So, that not only proves why god's a 'he', but it also shows us that it was all right for Adam to be dick-happy with two women, but it is not so for all of mankind these days. I mean, double-standards much?

I'm not saying this to insult anyone of invoke unhappiness in devotees, but, well, I felt that I have to justify my reasons for opting out of serving under Him. In just the book of Genesis itself, there are so many things that I find out of place. I don't know how church-going women ignore the sexist implications in the book, but I can't. It makes me sick.

And damn if I'm sorry for that.

S.

Guess.

2009-03-10T00:47:00.001+08:00

Stress.
Stress.
Deadlines.
Stress.
Stress.

HELP!

So.

2009-03-08T01:28:00.005+08:00

The past few days have been all right, nothing really commendable about them. It's the same laughter, school and measly personal life routine. Been the same for a lifetime now.

Anywho, I found MANY pictures on my computer that I haven't posted here, so I'm gonna dedicate this post just for all of them. Some are of The L Word, some are of me, some are of others. Hmmm. Enjoy!

Taken at Aly's birthday, I think. A long, long time ago ;)

Last year's illegal class photo :D

College CIP 2009.

'07 Salsa group.

Phallic representation in the middle of AJ.

Cousin - though she does look considerably older in this one :P

Buckaroo's!

Tryin'a act cute. Doesn't work D;

Can't remember where we took this. Just found in in my pictures section(:

Ah. Adorable! <3

Us... a couple of weeks ago(:

The L word - Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey.

This looked sexy.

Can't remember where we took this either :P

Long, long ago...

That's all we have folks! Till next time...

S.

Why?

2009-03-06T23:18:00.003+08:00

I bled
But I wanted to bleed
With much pain
I want to bleed
More

Intensity
Like ink
over paper
seeping through skin
to surround my heart
coloring it red
sucking it dry.

It was so hard
But I want it
still
The pain, the pleasure
The anguish
The joy
The sync
Us.

I look back
And all I can think
after all we've been through
is
More.

Sorry for going all Yeats on you, guys. Couldn't help it. The poem was just burning and couldn't wait to get out of the system ;)

But... not enough time to post about life right now. Will take a rain check.

S.

NYP(:

2009-03-03T01:08:00.004+08:00

We crashed NYP today for lunch. I mean, what else could we do when we had a TWO FLIPPIN' HOUR lunch break? But it was worth walking under the sun for. NYP campus is so... beautiful, as compared to ours. So professional, if you must. I mean, the students enrolled are about the same age, right? Doesn't mean that you're in Poly, you get more 'mature' surroundings That's pretty unfair for us old-looking people, if you asked me.

Anyway, we took pictures! I'm hiding a little in this one (for some unknown reason), and I can't contact the others for a nicer picture. Sad.

Other than lunch, nothing much happened today, other than passport-sized photo taking. That was the norm, nothing to report.

Oh, and Gran lied to me :( He said his height was 186 when he's actually 183! Ah! I was so hurt, Gran.

And Zuhaili and I finally found someone we dislike intensely, and mutually: Miley Cyrus. Haha. Finally, dude. We never seem to agree on ANYTHING.

You can probably tell that I'm slipping into ramble-mode right now. It's one plus in the morning, and I've got to look up on the creator of the traffic light. Yep, you read right. Traffic light! ROFL. So... gotta go!

<3
Shali.

Lethargy.

2009-03-01T18:33:00.005+08:00

So... my sucky phone is out of order.
I feel like I'm forcing my creativity out of its caved clove.
My friends are totally missing.
Math is pissing me off.
My mother's still nagging me.
And for an unknown reason, I feel like a little kid who's just lost Mr. Teddy.

I know, way to sound like an emo kid. But, I don't know. I feel like I've been under-achieving as of late. I haven't done anything productive, and it's been two weeks since I'd posted a chapter. It's not like school work's been overwhelming or anything, but I can't seem to find the inclination to get back on track and gets things done, bam-bam-bam. Maybe it's a post-holiday thing?

I doubt so.

Anyway, on a slightly lighter note, I looked up this famous artist named Frida Kahlo on Friday night. She gave me nightmares. I only looked at two pictures, and the second one had me cringing and saying, 'She's dead, Shali. She's dead.' Why, you ask? I dare you to look her up and find the portrait of herself with nails piercing her body and her spine replaced by a bleeding sword. Stare at it for twenty seconds, and you'll know what I mean. There's just something about her witch-like features and evil, one-lined brow that makes you think of sin, pain and human suffering. I was shaken.

Oh, there's also a movie about her that we talked about in the Editor-Student liaison last Wed, starring the every man (and woman's) dream, Salma Hayek. I've watched that movie before a while back, but I plan on watching it again soon, with all the facts about Frida fresh in my mind. Let's see if it makes the movie come alive.

Recently, I've been looking out for famous clothing labels that design for plus-sized women. Not for me, of course, but for one of my characters. So... in researching all of that, I found some interesting pictures of models who look more healthy and alive than all of those sticks I see parading in clothes two sizes too huge for them.

Here we go:

I know some of you might not think that big is beautiful, but I think it is. Big definitely beats eating rabbit food and starving oneself. Big definitely beats showing off your ribs in a bathing suit. Big beats bones by a long mile. In my opinion, anyway. Don't get me wrong. Small women are beautiful, too. But I've a preference for something to hold on to. Unless I'm the one being held on to... then that's a different issue :P

Yawn. All right. I've gotta go and work on Alex now. It's all in hard copy, so I've got to transfer it into the comp. Sucky, huh? Oh well.

Ciao.
~Shali.

P.S. I think the woman in the second picture is SMOKING hot! :D

Something Was Stolen

2009-02-25T20:46:00.005+08:00

Guess what? People liked my story.
Can you believe it? I was so freaking frightened about
sharing my writing to the... public.
I was *this* close to being sure that people would
start criticizing the shit outta my piece. But... the
only thing everyone picked up on was a tiny nit-pick, which I've
corrected. :P
There's nothing better than the feeling that you've finally
'come out' of your little shell and told the world that 'HEY. LOOKIE HERE!
THIS IS ME!'
That's euphoria, baby. Euphoria so sweet that you'll choke on it.

S.

Finally.

2009-02-24T02:49:00.002+08:00

Valkyrie. Yep. I watched it today with Adeline, Liang Ee, Eve and Yi Hao. Bryan just came along with us for lunch :P
Anyway, the movie was good, but the ending was sad. Gets boring in parts and shit, but when it comes to the crux of the storyline, it'll have you going 'Come on, man! Do it! Do it!'. The acting was good - Tom Cruise did his thing. But I felt that something was lacking in the film. A female protagonist, perhaps? I know, I know. It's fairly IMPOSSIBLE for ANY woman to have ANY position in the govt during Hitler's reign, but hey, if you're gonna spin tales about a guy with three fingers who could set a bomb to the Fuhrer, you might as well put in something else that's unbelievable, right? Oh, well.

So... I finished my Creative Writing workshop piece on 'Something was Stolen'. I think it's all right, but I don't really feel comfortable enough to share it yet. Might tweak it a little more tmrw before printing it out.

I think people are gonna criticize my work this Wed. I'm a little scared of that. I don't take criticism very well :(

Oh dear.

The Excitement in My Life

2009-02-22T19:04:00.002+08:00

The week's been all right, pretty fun and yet, on certain levels, p-e-ritty boring.

Well, last week was our class' first outing. WE went to Movy Fest together to watch BB. It was REALLY interesting to see everyone in something other than their janitor uniforms. Our OGLs came with us, too. How nice of 'em(: The whole experience was fun; I got to learn a little more about the people I'll be spending the next two years with.

AHH. Fuck that. Let's get to the good stuff.

So, it was after the movie, and we were all gathered near the underpass in front of Orchard station. And this girl walked by. My heart stopped.

SHE LOOKED LIKE KATHERINE MOENNIG! No kidding! A shorter version, but it was close enough for me to stare like I'd never seen a woman before. Description: About 5'3, short, dark hair, green and red tattoo across one shoulder, wearing a vest. If you know Kate, you know that the description's of her and mystery-woman is almost the same. That explains why I was so weirded out while everyone else was deciding on where to grab something to eat. If you'd seen your fave star look-alike walking around Isetan, you'd react the same way, too.

Anyway, I just got back from the hawker centre. Went there to get some dinner. And there was this guy who kept staring at me... like a pervy stare, not an 'I recognize you' stare. I wanted to sock him one, but then I realized that it wouldn't be good to get arrested before applying for Uni. Bad rep :( But hey, the fella was wearing eye-liner and shit. And he DID look like the ultra pedo perv. Maybe I should've hit him, to keep him from staring at other people like that.

Oh, and my mother's being super pissed at me these days, for no reason at all. I try to keep out of her line of fire, but it doesn't work. I get seared by the flames that come out of her nose every time :/ And this afternoon, we were talking about race and marriages (there was this movie on TV about that) and she was telling me and my brother to not marry Blacks, because she didn't want darker grandchildren. I mean, yeah, I get that. But should I be prejudiced against marrying Blacks because of that? I don't think so. Love's love, y'know? I don't give a shit if the person I love is Chinese, White, Mexican or a mixture of various races, because what's on the surface sure as hell doesn't matter to me. I told my mother what I thought, of course, and she thinks I'm being selfish because of that - that I think of myself, and ignore her wants for me. I know she's right, I am selfish in a way. The Asian community is all about family, and I feel that living for the family is a waste of my life. I want to enjoy the time that I have, pursuing MY wants, MY needs, MY goals... not wants, needs and goals that my family has set for me. Of course, I will help my family in every way possible when the need arises, but I won't live for them. That's the line.

My mother lives for us. And she wants me to live for the family, too. But some things just can't be passed down, can they?

Yeah, I know. Sad life. It's like, disappointing my parents is inevitable, and I can't wait to do it. I want a life, and if that means disappointing my parents along the way, I have a feeling that I won't think twice about it. Which is hurtful, yes, but necessary. I can't be living with my parents forever, like most youngsters are doing nowadays (just the thought of that makes me shiver, btw), I want to be alone, have my privacy, explore. TRAVEL.

Ah, yes. Another subject to talk about. Traveling. I told my mum that I wanted to travel someday. And her response was: Take your husband and travel.
For all of you who know me, you'd know from that example how big the thinking-gap between my mother and me is, and you'd know how I'm suffering.

Two years, Shali. Hold on.

S.

Quiz thingies..

2009-02-14T22:12:00.002+08:00

Ovi and Kiru made me do this quiz! EEHEE(:

1: Besides your lips, where is your favourite spot to be kissed?

Behind my ear.

2: How do you feel when you woke up this morning?

Irritated. Woke up late. Could've spent the two hours writing :/

3: Who was the last person you took a photo with?

My OG!

4: Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?

Yep. I get pissed if there's no toilet paper in the loo.

5: Would you ever donate blood?

If it's extremely necessary that I do. I'm not a human activist or anything.

6: Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?

Yep. I'll always remember you, bro.

7: Do you want someone dead?

Temporarily dead? Or just dead dead?

8:What does your last text message say?

Haha... Ok. I'll go slow.

Um, that's not like what it sounds like. REALLY.

9:What are you thinking of right now?

How to start another chapter.

10: Do you wish someone was with you right now?

Yes. Definitely. But can all wishes come true?

11: What time did you go to sleep last night?

11.30. What? Orientation la. Damn freaking tired.

12: Where did you buy the T-shirt you are wearing now?

Giordano.

13: Is someone on your mind right now?

Yes.

14: Who was the last person to text you?

Aly.

10 PEOPLE TAGGED TO DO THIS QUIZ :
1. Birds.
2. Babes.
3. Shalini P.
4. Tharsh.
5. Dhanya.
6. Ash.
7. Ovi.
8. Aly.
9. Trish.
10.Neens.

*In no order(: Just copied and edited from Kiru's blog.

15: Who is 2 having a relationship with?

Jeez. 16 fellas? Probably. Oh, but she's married to Clichy, though.

16: Is 3 a male or a female?

Femme!

17: If 7 and 10 get together will that be a good thing?

NO! NONONONONONONO! Definitely no. Please. My cousin is too young for this!

18: What is Number 1 studying about?

Something science-y. Oh, there it was again... the gag reflex.

19: When was the last time you had a chat with them?

Chat? Recently for all. Except Shalini P. Haven't seen here in... wow.

20: Is Number 4 single?

Tharsh? Single? Hard to believe. Guys are stupid if she is. Oh wait! She is single :D Hmmmm.

21: Say somethings about Number 2.

My editor! Love you babes! Just limit the number of guys you have all right? If not, you'll start forgetting their names and hurting their feelings :(

22: What do you think about Number 3 and 6 being together?

Ash, sweetie, be patient with Shalini. She's a bit shy...

23: Describe Number 9.

Sexy, funny, definitely girlfriend material.

24: What will you do if Number 5 and 7 fight?

Stand back and laugh? They aren't close at all!

25: Do you like Number 8?

Should I be insulted by this stupid quiz? Like, indeed. Love you, Aly!

*
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=2495859451468818636
Blogger: Hmmm.... - Create Post
OK. So I'm still feeling a bit tired and dazed from all the cheering during orientation. BUT its good, and I'm not complaining ;)

Anyway, since I did the quiz thingy (above), I wanted to create one myself. Haha. It's about songs, of course. All my faves :) Let's see if you guys can guess what song the lyrics belongs to.

1.

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
the kind of feeling I've waited so long

2.

So, by keeping her heart protected
She'll never, ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love

(Chorus)
What is this feeling taking over?
Thinking no one could open the door
Surprise, it's time, to feel what's real.

3.

Girl, change into that Victoria Secret thing that I like
Alright
Ok, tonight you havin' me your way
Perfume, spray it there
Put our love in the air
Now put me right next to you
Fitting to raise the temp in the room
First rub my back like you do
Right there, uh-uh, right there
You touch me like you care
Now Stop
And let me repay you for the week that you've been thru
Working that 9-5 and staying cute, like you do
Oh, oh, oh

4.

Girl I know you do the nasty (nasty)
I can tell when ya (when ya) walk past me (past me)
And ya Prada lookin flashy
Errthang on ya mind jus ask me
I know my err{ear} related to the wasky wabbit
Carrots{karets} all in it jazzy, it's a habit (uh)
Wurrs my cash? Outside - I gotta Benz & Jag
Both sittin on chrome Mags

5.

Whooa ooh whooa ooh whoa ooh whoaa
I like that
I like that
Girl twirk that back
Whoa
I like that
I like that (whooa ooh whooa ooh whoa ooh whoaa)
Girl freak that back
Whoa
I like that
I like that
That's where the money at
Whoa
I like that
I like that
Girl freak that back

5.

Now I done been with different kind of girls
Like I done seen em all but ain't none of them at all (like u)
And I done seen the best of the best
Baby still I ain't impressed cause ain't none of them at all (like u)
If you know how I feel when I chill
If I'm seen with a girl then she gotta be just (like u)
And baby that's the way I feel
And I got no choice but for me to keep it real

*

Yep, just mail me the answers(: > k.ma.22@hotmail.com
Some of the answers are in the lyrics itself, so if you can't even get one... aiyoh :/

Getting off now.

~Shali

Orientation

2009-02-12T18:17:00.003+08:00

" **** how're you feeling today?
We feel gay, AH
We feel gay, AH
We feel very, very, very, very gay..."

*Replace 'gay' with 'good' for original cheer(:
Anyw, my OGLs twisted the cheer to sing to this guy
who kept threatening to minus points for our time cause we didn't
tuck our shirts in :P
Really, the OGLs are so enthu that you wonder what they're running on :I

As you can probably already tell, orientation is going well... nothing to complain about, but much to say thanks for.
My OG is 37, an all-H1-math class. And everyone is really different from the kind of people I'm used to. I mean, probably cause some of them are from neighborhood schools, but there's something more. Like... a belonging as a class? I wonder how come we're pretty much bonded, but then, I realize that our group only has 22 people, and I think I can figure it out.

I had an interesting convo with Zuhaili (Sp, sorry!) today, about the Rihanna-CB issue. He was on R's side of course, but I defended CB as much as possible... though I think there're faults on both side of the team. I really can't believe he would be someone who'd react that way without being provoked, but hell, do I know anything about him? As a person? No. But do I know that Rihanna can be a big bitch at times? Yep. So... the question now is: what exactly went on behind their we're-not-together togetherness? I'm still waiting for the answer.

Benjamin Button next week! Yay! Tharsh, Dhanya, Kiru, Myit, Divs - you guys better come! I'll be with my class, but that doesn't mean we can't meet up sometime later, right? And we've wanted to watch this movie anyway, so I hope you guys come for it(:

I think Kiru's gonna skip the finale night. Babe, if you don't come tmrw, I'll kill you! Really. You can't absent yourself in the FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL! What about your OG members? Friends? They'll all count on you being there and stuff. Don't bail, all right? There's CIP as well, which will go into your testimonial. You really can't afford to miss this... so DON'T! Take a good rest today, and come tmrw. ALL OF US can rest during the weekends.

Ahhh... I'm all sweaty and dirrrty right now ;) Must take a shower, so I'll blog later, when the results are out.

*Airkiss! Airkiss*
Ew.
:D
Bye!

~ Shali

A confession...

2009-02-08T20:40:00.005+08:00

My mum thinks that she didn't bring me up right because I don't share her values. I don't think it's right of her to judge me that way, but what can I say? I'm her daughter; I listen to what SHE has to say, not the other way around.
Sometimes I wonder why she can't be accepting, and accept me for who I am: someone who's not what she wants me to be. It's frustrating when I have to be someone else with her sometimes. And when I AM myself, she tells me that I'm not acting right. It pains me on the inside, but I laugh it off in front of her.
Oh, I don't know. A part of me knows that it's just another couple of years before I get to do what I want to do, explore what I want to explore. But I want my mum to be there for me, y'know? Because I know that if I do the things I want to do, my mum will think the worst of me. It's horrible, that's what it is. I'm torn between doing what I want to do or doing what I'm expected to do. It's sort of like, do I want to be selfish or selfless?
My head and my heart immediately say selfish, but my conscience won't let me make such a decision. See? My mum did bring me up properly; I do know right from wrong. But I don't want to keep being 'right' for the rest of my life. I want to be 'wrong', too. I want some excitement, be bad from time to time. Will my mum accept that? I don't think so. She scolded me today for threading my shoes with gold shoelaces instead of the customary white. I don't think half of my dreams will ever come true. Damn.

~Shali.

Something new...

2009-02-08T20:37:00.002+08:00

A college campus is the setting for Vampire Kisses and where Shali Selva and Nathaniel Black first cross paths. It’s love at first sight, but as they become closer, Shali discovers that Nathaniel has a horrifying secret – he’s a vampire doomed to a bloodthirsty immortality!
Although Shali senses danger beneath his soft-spoken manner, and even after Nathaniel himself warns her away, Shali is drawn to this creature of the night and loves him as she has loved no other.

*That's not something I wrote, but it's a blurb from this site. You guys might wanna try it out. It's really cute!

http://www.bookbyyou.com/vampire/demo.asp

New skin, baby!

2009-02-08T19:12:00.003+08:00

Hey guys(:
New skin is up!
I love it!
It's the only banner of Kate that I have, so...
(The credit is on the bottom of the banner.)
I know it's not much,
BUT IT'S MINE!
Coding is copyrighted by ME.
Wish I could work on this longer, though.
But, oh well.

Did I mention I love it, by any chance? :D

Shali

Hey

2009-02-06T00:32:00.002+08:00

If AJ is any more cheena, I'd turn yellow.
Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.
SA would've been a better choice.
People are nice. TLDDS is cool.
But there's something missing.
Maybe it'll come in when Orientation starts.
I made a couple of friends in my OG.
They're nice people.
But mostly, us SMSS girls are still sticking together.
Sooner or later, I'm hoping to find some other friends so that we don't look so anti-social.
I miss KIRU :( even though I saw you this afternoon. Yeah.
Good luck for tmrw, babes(: I'll pray for you (uh, ok.)

....

2009-01-31T17:46:00.002+08:00

Recession? What recession?
My mum doesn't think that there's a recession hitting town.
We spent three hundred bucks on clothes today.
I really don't know how I feel about that...
EXCEPT BEING HIGH. :D
It's been a while since I bought something NICE.
A pair of black pants and jeans.
With A VEST! I bought a vest. Can you believe that?
Yeah. That's why I'm hyper.

I'm loving my life right now. It's on an upturn.
New school, new friends... plus, my imagination is definitely on 'high'.
Alex was a pretty good hit.
Now I have to work on colorblind. Great.

The only downside of everything is the fact that Kiru didn't get posted to AJ. DOn't worry, babe, here's to hoping they'll accept you through CCA. There are only seven people who applied for admission through Indian Dance (credit to my dad; he called the school to find out), and I know you'll be selected out of them. WHOO! GOOD LUCK(:

*

My prince charming
My knight in shining armor
nears
In his black breeches
I seek him
With open arms
And he arrives home
His perfect hair
Blown back by the breeze
I whisper
How I love him
And he whispers back
We lie in the meadows
In perfect silence
His gaze never leaving mine
Until I hear my name being called
And look up
To find reality
With a dishcloth and a pan.

~Cinderella.

POEM

2009-01-26T14:56:00.004+08:00

He comes through the door
Features relaxed
Muscles tensed
I watch, half-asleep
As he nears me
Shrugging his tank off
I smile
And he kneels by the bed
His kiss an aphrodisiac in itself
I wiggle
He moves and presses his body against mine
My fingers find his shoulders
Squeezing gently
My guitarists fingers stroking the muscles there
Until they brush over tiny scars
Tiny scars that I couldn't have made

I look up
Sleep gone
And see the truth in his eyes.

2009-01-23T23:30:00.002+08:00

ash-faced haze
coming at me like the flickering flames of hell
i scream
shielding myself with nothing
but my battered wit
i try
and try
and try
to keep myself away from
what i know is arsenic
but can i
will i
do i want to
especially when it stands in front of me
blatant temptation

i'm drawn
like little fire flies
to a burning flame
or a dark mouse to a trap
unknowingly but knowingly putting myself
in the path of danger
and you are there
not my light of salvation
not the cause of joy
not the beautiful, fat droplets of rain in a drought
but my pathway into hell

when you are near
i cross a line
into the forbidden
i shouldn't
i couldn't
but then again
i don't really care
you are here
and that makes the horns appear on my head
an identification of the evil
inside my unchristened body
how i despise the flame you set in me
but my fucked heart
tells me different.

I'm addicted to this song:

2009-01-21T01:30:00.003+08:00

An addiction:

We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything that is on my mind
But lately somethings changed
As I lie awake in my bed
A voice here inside my head
Softly says

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

Oh im so afraid to make that first move
Just a touch and we
Could cross the line
And everytime she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart knows
Hold her close

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

What would she say
I wonder would she just turn away
Or would she promise me
That she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

Why don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)
Why don't u tell her (tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside...

*This is one of the most beautiful songs in existence. I thoroughly love it.

Also, this song is really touching. If you haven't checked it out, I suggest that you do.

[Verse 1:]
He drops his suitcase by the door
She knows her daddy won't be back anymore
She drags her feet across the floor
Tryna hold back time to keep him holding on
And she says

[Pre Chorus:]
Daddy Daddy don't leave
I'll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can't you see how much I need you

Daddy Daddy don't leave
Mommy's saying things she don't mean
She don't know what she's talking about
Somebody hear me out

[Chorus:]
Father listen
Tell him that he's got a home and he don't have to go
Father save him
I would do anything in return
I'll clean my room
Try hard in school
I'll be good
I promise you
Father, Father
I pray to you

[Verse 2:]
Now she hasn't slept in weeks
She don't want to close her eyes cause she's scared that he'll leave
They tried just about everything
It's getting harder now
For him to breathe
And she says

[Pre Chorus:]
Daddy Daddy don't leave
I'll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can't you see how much I need you

Daddy Daddy don't leave
The doctors are saying things they told me
They don't know what they talking about
Somebody hear me out

[Chorus:]
Father (father) listen (listen)
Tell him that he's got a home and he don't have to go (don't have to go)
Father (father) save him
I would do anything in return
I'll clean my room
Try hard in school
I'll be good
I promise you
Father, Father
I pray to you

[Hook:]
Please don't let him go (don't let him go)
I'm begging you so (I'm begging you so)
There open his eyes
There ain't no more time
To tell him that I love him more
The many thing in the world
Is Daddy's little girl

[Chorus:]
Father (father) listen (listen)
Tell him that he's got a home and he don't have to go (don't have to go)
Father (father) save him
I would do anything in return
I'll clean my room
Try hard in school
I'll be good
I promise you
Father, Father

She was Daddy's Little Girl
Mmmmm Oh

Frankie J ~ Daddys Little Girl -

<3
Shali

Nostalgia

2009-01-18T23:41:00.002+08:00

Ok. So I've been cleaning my room (much to the surprise of many) and I found a couple of CDs that I used to listen to over and over again about five years ago. The nostalgia when I listen to them now is, frankly, fucking overwhelming. I couldn't breathe for five seconds on the first song. Why, you ask? I have no idea.

So... Here's the playlist of the songs that I used to (and still do) adore.

Avril Lavigne:
Nobody's Fool
Slipped Away
Don't Tell Me
Take Me Away
Fall To Pieces

I loved these songs. They were on Avril's first and second album. I think her second album didn't do very well cuz they weren't the commercialized idea of how good rock songs should be. But no matter; I loved her and her image and her style... until she changed to become a she-barbie-bitch. I hate that look of hers. It's so plastic. I really adored the rocker-chic one. So much for that, I suppose.

Also, I used to like Hilary Duff before she went through the whole "I'm not anorexic stage". Her songs were pretty cool, with inherent inspirational stuff in them. Try checking them out sometime(:

Hilary Duff:
Where Did I Go Right?
Sweet Sixteen
Metamorphosis
A Day In The Sun
The Math
Why Not

Let's see... Ashlee Simpson cut it, too. A little bit of Simple Plan, Oliver James, Chingy, 50 cent, ABBA. Hmm. I was pretty old-school at one point in time. Yeah. My taste is music is super varied, I know. LOL.

As for now, my eyes are tired. I just went to this ceremony thing for my cousin, and it was super boring, cuz we did nothing while watching her do funny stuff. Seriously, I'm not want to believe in anything I can't see. So superstitions aren't really my thing. Yawn.

I better go now. Bed's calling.

Kisses.
S.

Top Ten Body Types

2009-01-13T19:43:00.010+08:00

So.. I decided to do something un-intense today. Just for the fun of it. And... we're discussing body-types!

5) I find women with broad shoulders very pretty. It might be the slightly tomboyish look that comes with them, but I can't be sure.
When someone has broad shoulders, it's always associated with confidence and pride. I like that in a person.

4) And then there're women who could masquerade as sticks. I mean no offense. I do like the way they look - sometimes - but I prefer the ones who look healthy being skinny, y'know? People who actually eat. Mmhmm.

3) And I know that this is totally the OPPOSITE of what Cosmo or Vogue says, but I LOVE women with short legs. REALLY. I think it makes it extra sexy when they wear heels with jeans or shorts or skirts or...

*These ladies don't really have short legs, but Britney Spears sure does :)

2) BOOTIES! Goodness. If there's anything more prominent about a woman, I've yet to see it. A woman's butt can make or break her. I've seen women with no ass at all, grinding her way on the dance floor, and yes, it IS sexy, but a woman with an extra inch of back can make me drool any day! Haha.

1) I don't know if 'petite' is what you call them. Yes, small bodies are a big turn-on for me. Like, small with curves and perky breasts. No, not the skinny kind of woman. About a size 6-8, with a nice amount of sass. Yeah. That's the BEST. As an example, I absolutely love Jojo's figure, and I think she's the perfect example of the perfect woman(:

Oh, and I think that a collab between Jojo and Chris Breezy would be quite interesting. Hope they work on somethin'!

<3
Shali

Addicted

2009-01-11T17:29:00.002+08:00

I'm addicted to this story.

Teaser:

She was up to something. As Andraemalek walked to the window in his unfurnished living room, he wondered what the random human was doing. He'd found himself growing much too curious about her in the few weeks he'd known her. He shouldn't have; he had a job to complete if he expected to make it into The Order. His growing attraction to Nadia would help no one, least of all him.

But he did not stop himself as he walked to the window to look into her apartment. When he told her that he lived across the quad, he neglected to tell her that he could see right into her living room. Andraemalek had spent many nights watching as she studied, read, and dotted over the neighbor's damned cat. She was a simplistic woman, he learned, one that he found to be increasingly complicated because of her simplicity.

She was practically naked. Andraemalek watched as Nadia paraded around her apartment in nothing more than a burgundy tank top and black cotton panties. What was she thinking? The curtains weren't drawn. She lived on the first floor; anyone could have seen her. No one was supposed to see her in such a state of undress.

No one save him.

Andraemalek shook his head. What was he thinking? Nadia was allowed to do whatever she wanted. She was a grown woman. If she wanted to walk around in such a state of undress in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon knowing that there was a possibility of unscrupulous men staring at her mouthwateringly luscious body, then so be it.

He still didn't like it.

Andraemalek watched as she walked to a small radio. She fiddled with the knobs for a minute before she began to move her head along to the music she listened to. The music must have been something she enjoyed immensely because she began to dance. They were small movements at first, little kicks of the feet or waves of the arm, but soon, she lost herself in the music and began to sway her wide hips enticingly. He stood fascinated as she seemingly drew circles with her hips. As she skipped and danced in the room, her breasts jiggled and swayed.

His mouth went dry.

Looking away, Andraemalek saw a pack of cigarettes on the countertop and mentally called one to himself. He also called a lighter. After lighting the cigarette and taking a long drag, he looked at her again. His body was hot, he noticed, and only increased in heat when she pulled her hair free of the confines of its bun. Electricity swept through him as her hair caressed her shoulders as she moved her head from side to side. His body tightened at the thought of being in the room with her, watching and feeling as she danced on him. Her lips were moving, a clear indication that she was singing as she danced. "What the hell is she listening to?" Andraemalek called forth a cordless radio and quickly turned it on. He flipped through stations slowly, watching to see if her lips moved in time with any of the songs he heard. It took several seconds but finally, he found the station she listened to and shook his head in amusement when he heard the words she sang to....

&&

He watched as Nadia bent to retrieve her things and bent to help her. He looked at the boxes of pound cake, containers of ice cream, chocolate bars, sucking candies, chips, dip and rolls of cookie dough and felt his brows crease in question. "Think you have enough sugar?"

Nadia laughed as she collected her bags. "Shut up." She smiled at Andraemalek in thanks as he took her bags from her. She figured that his statement stemmed from the fact that he was probably a health nut, one of the many advantages to being a fitness trainer. "I'm a little depressed right now."

Andraemalek walked with Nadia in silence for a moment before he spoke. "Why?" What did she have to be depressed about? She was a smart, beautiful, gentle, and interesting woman who was on the verge of a major discovery. There was no reason to be depressed.

Nadia shrugged indifferently. "Just feeling a little lonely. It'll be gone by the morning." As would a good percentage of the items he carried for her. He didn't need to know that. He already knew how much she weighed and that was more than enough for her to feel like a whale when near him. "Until then, it's chocolate, chips, and literally feeling my arteries clog."

Andraemalek laughed at her phrasing and realized that they were in front of her apartment. He waited as she fished for her keys out of her purse and walked in when she stepped back. He placed the bags on the counter before he turned to face her. "What made you feel lonely?"

Nadia shrugged once more as she said, "I don't know. Woke up feeling this way." She walked to the counter to begin separating her purchases and tilted her head when she noticed the concerned looked Andraemalek gave her. "Don't worry. It comes and goes."

Andraemalek nodded slowly as he watched her separate the items and frowned at a very odd item she purchased. He picked up the container. "What is this?"

Nadia looked at the container and smiled. "It's Dirt." At his disgusted look, she took the container from him and opened it. "It's chocolate cake crumbles, gummy worms and some candy flowers." She held the open container to him. "Try it."

Andraemalek had never heard of Dirt and looked at it warily. It did smell like sugar which gave him a small amount of confidence. To appease her, he tried it and became relieved when he did not become disgusted. She smiled at him, a slow, genuine smile that took his breath away. How did she do that? "Is it all right if I stay a while?"

"You don't have to do that because of what I told you."

"I'm not. I'm kind of lonely myself."

Nadia looked at Andraemalek for a moment. He didn't seem lonely. If anything, he looked bored out of his mind. Why did he want to stay? Why was she asking? She was lonely and liked having him around. "Sure." She watched as he stood and walked to the radio. Effortlessly, he turned to her favorite radio station, impressing her. "You like 80's music too? I'm obsessed with it." She poured herself a glass of water.

Andraemalek smiled at her enthusiasm. "No, I'm not much of a fan but this is what you were listening to the day you were dancing."

Nadia spit the water she'd sipped out of her mouth in her embarrassment. She couldn't have heard what she thought she just heard. "Excuse me?"

Her appalled expression forced him to grin in amusement. "I can see your apartment from my window." He kept himself from laughing at her wide-eyed expression. "I saw you dancing in your underwear."

"Oh, my God." If there was a God, a hole in the floor would open up and suck her in.

Andraemalek laughed. Her anxiety had a very unique scent; it wasn't cloying like her nervousness. This scent was light and reminded him of mint. "If it makes you feel any better, I liked it."

In her growing nervousness, Nadia opened one of the boxes of pound cake and cut a couple of slices for them. Her slice was twice as large as his. Walking to the couch, she placed them on the coffee table and sat down on the floor. She watched as he joined her and felt her jaw drop when he reached for the larger piece of cake. She ate her cake quietly, unsure of what to say. It wasn't everyday a sexy man told a woman who looked like her that he saw her dancing in her underwear and liked it. She felt... appealing, like it wasn't insanity for a man with the body of a god to like the way she looked, excess fat and all. "I like you." She was aware that he could have taken her statement any way but decided not to clarify.

"Oh yeah?" There was a light in her eyes that caused that odd feeling in his stomach to return. The sensation intensified when a new scent wafted toward him. It was a tangy, sweet and extremely earthy scent he'd never smelled before. This was one emotion he could not pinpoint. He was determined to find out. Leaning close to her, he did not resist the urge to inhale her smell. The cocoa butter oil was intoxicating, especially mixed with the unfamiliar scent.

Nadia nodded slowly. "Yeah." She should have been uncomfortable but she wasn't. Desire pooled in the pit of her stomach and slowly spread to every inch of her body. Her fingertips tingled. "You make me smile."

Andraemalek leaned closer, sensing her passion. It hummed off her like the gentle patter of rain on a roof.

"What else do I make you?"

*

If you guys are interested, the story's called 'The Order' by the author Purefire on Literotica.com

Her writing's as good as it gets!

Shali

2

2009-01-10T20:52:00.001+08:00

Two more goddamn years.

Just two more.

Introductions.

2009-01-09T20:47:00.007+08:00

Have you ever been asked, 'so...tell me something about you'?
Well, I have. And I find that I can't answer that question if my life was dependent upon it.
I mean, yeah, I can say the usual shit: I'm a girl, I've a very functional family... blah de da.. but can I say what really matters? It just gets stuck in my throat like solid vomit. I can't seem to introduce myself to someone who asks about me.
I know people have this ready-made thing: I'm Alice, and I'm a journalist or something like that. What would I say? I'm Shali and I'm a student? Is it me or does that sound downright hollow?
I think the day that I can come right out and say : Hi. My name's Shalini and I'm an author, would be *the* best day of my life. Saying that you're an author gets people interested. They start to think, 'Is she one of those eccentric psychos?' or 'Is she the kind of woman who craves new experiences?' or 'Can I tap that in ten seconds?' It's pretty cool actually, to be someone that people can't really place. Because when author's write, they become someone else, and slowly the various different characters seep into their souls and become a part of them.
That's why I seem a little ditzy sometimes. It's cuz I know that I don't really have a cemented personality. I can be fun when fun's around me, and I can be serious when it's time to be. And those are all parts of me. It might sound weird, but it's the truth.

Well, anyway, I'm about to finish up a story that I'm working on right now. And I think I'm glad to say that I have stalkers who hound me for the rest of the story. But I have another story niggling at the back of my mind. And it's starting to bug the hell out of me and my dreams. All I can dream about is this dark-blonde white guy and a black chic who're getting it on. Talk about wet dreams that aren't wet at all. Ew.

Before I go, I'd like to post a couple of pics that I stumbled across that got me going mmhmmm...

Kinky, much? :P

WoW :O

Just look at them... KIRU! Don't look away!

I LOVE DJs.. The power.. Phew.

I'm stupid, but not THAT stupid.

BECKS! WITH BLACK NAIL POLISH!

It can't get any sweeter...

Two years to go...

& Abstract

....

2008-12-24T02:40:00.003+08:00

I'm going to get my second ear hole pierced tmrw. All I can say is, finally! LOL. It's been a while since I wanted to do it, but I'm a little scared. Will it hurt? XD

Anyw, I've also been listening to a lot of old songs lately -- like MJ and Elvis and stuff. I don't know why. Elvis's heartbreak hotel always makes me tear, and MJ's thriller gets me all 'GROOVEEEEY!' ( I think that's the right lingo :P )

And CHRISTMAS IS HERE! Haha. I can't wait for the party. Well, not much of a party, actually. More of a gathering. And I can't wait for it cuz it's gonna be great. I just know it. I've got every one presents that I hope they'll like ( and even if you don't, just smile, please ). Haha. And I'll just hope there'll be dancing, cuz everyone in my family is SO shy. Goodness. My mum says I don't belong in the family! Grr.

Yeah. I think I've gotta go now. It's about 3 in the morning and I have to meet Kiru at twelve. So... I'll leave you guys with a song. I love this one. It was my addiction about two years ago :)

So What - Field Mob Ft. Ciara

I tried..

2008-12-23T11:58:00.000+08:00

I tried to sleep, but I couldn't, so I decided to post something here. I've been thinking a lot about the formidable future lately, and the more I think about it, the more I feel as though I have no direction. I mean, yeah, I'll have to get through O and A level... and then what? Do what I love? Or do what I'm supposed to?

You guys would know what my parents will say, right? They'll want me to get a business/law degree and settle down for a nice, corporate job. But I don't know if I want that. My head tells me that it's the sensible thing to do -- steady income, stable life -- but my heart's asking, where's the fun?

What I really wanna do is travel. Travel and write. Oh, not the kind of shit that journalists do, but write fiction that's based on reality. I want to be able to put Mary the barkeeper into a book and make her look like the sexy tease that she is; I want to write about Bob the carpenter as if he's a real person and not just someone who mends your broken tables and chairs. I want to observe people, read their thoughts and TRY to get their feelings, and write about them. It makes writing fresh and unique, as I've found from my fiction piece on the Colosseum ( for those who haven't read it, I'll type it out for you ).

I swear, that piece was the first thing that I ever wrote that I was proud of. I was thirteen, for God's sake. And guess what? My parents never read it. They never read anything that I write. And sometimes, it pisses me off a little bit, but I guess I've just gotten used to it over the years. My parents think I'm a math/science person, but they don't know how wrong they are.

I just hope that whatever path I choose won't be too hard on them, because I have a tendency to throw 'convention' to the winds.

Shali.

Nostalgia

2008-12-23T01:04:00.000+08:00

These vids bring back memories. Enjoy(:

Like A Boy - Ciara

Bow Wow ft Omarion- Let Me Hold You - MaRk!T0

LIke You - Bow Wow Ft. Ciara

JoJo feat. Bow Wow - Baby Its You - JoJo

<3
Shali

Neena!

2008-12-22T01:07:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday, dollface!

You're finally a teen. Haha.

It's sad, isn't it? Now all of us cousins are OLD. None of us can travel with the 'kids' ticket on airplanes and we definitely can't get kids meals anymore. How sad. Haha. But anyw, just wanted to let you know that you're very welcome into teenage-hood :)

And sorry you didn't receive the message, but I have PROOF that I sent it to you! XD Love ya!

Shali

Hair

2008-12-18T04:48:00.007+08:00

OK, so I've gotten over my temporary love-craze after seeing how many other girls/guys are crazy about her. Seriously. I'm not joining in that fan club, thanks.

So.. what am I going to blog about today? Hmm. I was thinking, HAIR.

Yepp. We're going to talk about the blonde, black, brunette, copper shades of hair. Which one do you like? My personal favorite is red -- ever since I saw this woman, who was a natural redhead with forest-green eyes. She was THE most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Well, I think I have to thank god that I didn't trip and fall and land at her feet. That would've been embarrassing... though a very honest reaction. She really did look like she was meant to be worshiped.

A close second is blonde hair. I like blondes. They're not necessarily dumb, but some of them actually have something to say. (Sorry, no examples of that right now :P)

And black and brunettes come in third.

But I suppose it isn't the color of your hair that matters, it's the style you cut it in. I've posted pictures about every day people with great hair, and not just the straight-down style that most of us (ehem) have these days. These styles are easy to handle, even with the average Singaporean's busy time schedule.

The thing about hair is, if it's on your head, it's perfectly fine. But if it's on your body...umm, different issue.

I find that guys with hair on their chests are the grossest things after lizard poop. I mean, who would like to cuddle up with someone who has sprigs of curly things on his chest? Yuck. Really. There are only two exceptions to this hatred of mine : Hugh Jackman and my dad. The first because he's a hot, hot, hottie and the second because my dad's a cuddly wittle bear.

See, bears can have hair. Men should not.

I mean, there are people who consider chest hair sexy ( I think I remember Myit saying something about that ) but, as I've said before, to each his own.

OK, so now, we go to facial hair. I think facial hair is sexy. I mean, not like that JoBro guy's RIDICULOUS sideburns, but something hip, like Usher's stubble. But, of course, if you're smooth like Ne-Yo, it won't hurt either :P

And in case you're wondering, I say NO to pit hair, too. We shan't go into that topic for now. It's five in the morn and I need to get to sleep.

So... I'll update later :)

Shali.

CRAZY

2008-11-26T15:31:00.011+08:00

I AM IN LOVE.
SERIOUSLY, THIS TIME.
WELL, NOT so SERIOUSLY.
BUT STILL; HEAR ME OUT :P

Her name's Katherine (Kate) Moennig, and she stars as Shane in 'The L Word'.
Now, I know many of us probably haven't even heard of that show, because our stupidass server doesn't allow us to have any access to anything remotely related to F/F sex/relationships, but the show is GREAT. I'm watching it on youtube - whatever I can watch. :K

Well, basically, it's a show that circles this group of friends - who are all lesbians (mostly) - and talks about their personal lives. We have Bette and Tina who're having a child of their own (through artificial insemination) and whom, I think, are married. Then there's Alice who's bisexual and I think looks totally cute with her glasses on. And there's Dana, who's a tennis player, and is having a hard time 'coming out'. It's not that she doesn't admit to herself that she's gay, it's just that her agent tells her that it would be difficult for her to land solid contracts if she's openly gay.

Then, of course, there's Shane. The most heart-stopping, fucking gorgeous dyke that I've ever seen. Well, not that I've seen many to speak of :/ Anyway, she's a hairdresser which accounts for the fact as to why I love her hair. Ok, I'll admit it, I love everything about her. But the most sexy thing is her voice. I'm pathetic, really. Every time she speaks, laughs, whispers, I feel my heart doing a little ecstatic jiggy in my chest.

It means nothing, I assure you. Just a teeny little crush on a butch, who might not even be a butch in RL. Hmmm.

I'm only watching season one right now, so what I can say about the cast is quite limited. I've got another four seasons to go, lord love time, so I'll probably be constantly blogging about the show. I wonder how many other chics are doing that. Ugh.

You know what I think? I think I probably need to go out.. get laid, maybe. Or get myself a vibrator. Only then, I'll sleep well without dark-haired dykes invading my dreams.

Yeah. And I guess, a second before I step into a toy store, I'll probably be dead on my feet from the killer brain waves my mama sends from across the city.

Lord help me.

Shali

Toasterrrr

2008-11-14T21:00:00.002+08:00

I got electrocuted by my toaster.

Seriously, one minute I was playing with the little button thingy on it, and the next, the whole house is in darkness and my finger is smarting. I tell you, eletricity hates me.

For all who care, I'm working on an Xmas story now, but it isn't coming off so well. Sigh.

Kiru, Akshy, Tharsh, Dhanya and I went to orchard the other day. I bought three books at Borders (Yeah, where's the life?) and watched a movie. My god, you should've seen all four of 'em.

THEY GOT SCARED BY THE HAND-DRYER IN THE TOILET.

Ok, here's the dibs:

We were going to watch this horror flick called 'Coffin'. And the hand-dryer in the ladies had this mini advert screen on it -- like it plays adverts and such. So they were watching the advert for the stupid movie and someone accidentally tipped the dryer off. The resultant scream can never be described and humane Xl

Well, everything's over, finally. But now I feel as though I have to do something with my life. I'm beginning to question my existance, too, which is weird cuz I never do that. I'm trying to make the best of my time, but that's difficult cuz I realise that there isn't really much to do in Singapore.

And is that my fault? NO.
My parents just love it here.

SIgh.

Rambling,
Shali XX

An Idiot

2008-11-10T15:47:00.002+08:00

ONLY A TOTAL IDIOT WOULD POUR OJ OVER HER LAPTOP.
I'm serious. One minute it was in the cup and the next it was all over my precious baby. I didn't even see it happen!
But it's all right, cuz I managed to salvage it with a hairdryer and it's working again. :D
I've spent the last few days like this: Sleeping, sleeping, writing, sleeping, eating. YEAH. Nothing much going on here. Loads of sleeping. ANd I'm also trying to get chapters out ASAP. But now, I've got to study for chemmy. I can still remember some bio stuff, though, so that cuts off some workload.

OH YEAH!
I watched the Arsenal-MANU match the other NIGHT. IT WAS AWESOME! No kidding! I've declared myself the official Arsenal's good luck charm. HAHA. They won 2-1. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? I was like screaming and screaming and screaming...poor neighbours :/

I don't believe I've much else to talk about; so like some old guy said, "when you've nothing to say, don't say anything".

Ciao!

Shali XX

Top Ten (Songs)

2008-11-08T11:34:00.013+08:00

Ok, ok, ok - I know it's been a long time since I blogged, but hey, cut me some slack, I was mugging :D

Anyway, I was thinking of what to blog about, and this came to my mind: The top ten songs that I've loved ever since...forever. Haha. So, here it goes.

TEN: Zingy (Ak'sent feat. Beenie Man)

Zagazow
Ey na na na na na na
Beenie Man
Ak'Sent

[Verse One]:
Di di di di da di do da di dum
Watch him come when i shake my bum bum i'm bad i said
You can catch me in my Dolce
Gabana mama gettin Prada on my off day
Me and my ladies put it down in the worst way
Hey and we know how to party
Hot steppin like that
And you don't want no problems cause my girls got my back yea
Dress to impress
Fresh to death still havin fun none the less
And we aint worried about our hair
We pin it up or sweat it out we really dont care gurl
If you bought it it's yours
It doesn't matter if its a human's or horse's
A horse ofcourse
So put your drink down and get on the floor

[Chorus]:
Zing zingy zang za-zang za-zang zingy zingy zang zingy zingy za-zang za-zang zoom
Ladies, where you at where you at
Shake your zingy zang
Show him where you at okay

Zing zingy zang za-zang za-zang zingy zingy zang zingy zingy za-zang za-zang zoom
Ladies, where you at where you at
Shake your zingy zang
Show him where you at okay

[Verse Two]:
Di di di di da di do da di day
What you say when i come around your way
I can't hear you
Oh, you wanna be my man but my girlfriend said you told her the same thing man
Is that your game?
Is that the biggest line in your iddy biddy brain?
My ladies gettin tired of you suckers and you lames
Lookin for a hot boy to set fire to my flame
Yea, its a girls a-like thing
Acrylic nails, stilletos, slippers, and tight jeans
And we like nice things
Nice chains, nice rings, so we covered in bling
Ginseng for that ass if you tired of the swing
On my hips or the bounce of the dip just sit
And everything you want you cant get
Cause my legs sealed tighter than the kunfu grip

[Chorus]

[Hook]:
As we hit the door
Me and my girls hit the floor
Get the rhythm from the beat
Get the drinks from the bar
We got our hands in the air
All the females over here
Leave the dudes over there
It's the battle of the sexes
You know we gon' rep this

[Chorus x3]

Zing zingy zang za-zang za-zang zingy zingy zang zingy zingy za-zang za-zang zoom
Ak'Sent, collabo
Comin at you from the west
That's how we do it baby
Uh huh, westside yea

Ladies where you at.

Nine: Senorita (JT feat. Pharrell Williams)

On that sunny day
Didn't know I'd meet
Such a beautiful girl walkin' down the street
Seen those bright brown eyes
With tears comin' down (so he said to himself)
She deserves a crown
But where is it now
Momma listen

(Chorus)
Senorita I feel for you
You deal with things that you don't have to
He doesn't love you I can tell by his charm
But you can feel this real love if you just lay in my

You drivin' fast in my mind
Girl don't cha' slow it down
If we carry on this way the same we might leave the ground
How would you like to fly
That's how my queen should ride
But you still deserve the crown
Why hasn't it been found

(Chorus)
Senorita I feel for you
You deal with things that you don't have to
He doesn't love you I can tell by his charm
But you can feel this real love if you just lay in my
Ahhh, Ahhh, Arms (Wont you lay in my)
Ahhh, Ahhh, Arms (Momma lay in my)
Ahhh, Ahhh, Arms (Baby wontcha lay in my)
Ahhh, Ahhh, Arms

When I look into your eyes
I see sumthin' that money can't buy
And I know if you give us a try
I'll work harder for you girl
And no longer will you ever have to
CRY!

(Chorus)
Senorita I feel for you
You deal with things that you don't have to
He doesn't love you I can tell by his charm
But you can feel this real love if you just lay in my
Ahhh, Ahhh, Arms
Ahhh, Ahhh, Arms
Ahhh, Ahhh, Arms
Ahhh, Ahhh, Arms

When I look into your eyes
I see sumthin' that money can't buy
And I know if you give us a try
I'll work harder for you girl
You wont ever cry

Now listen
I wanna' try sumthin' right now
See they don't do this anymore
I'ma sing sumthin'
And I want the guys to sing with me
They go
It feels like sumthins heatin up
Can leave wit you
And then the ladies go
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
Really leavin wit you
Guys sing

(Guys)
It feels like sumthins heatin up
Can leave wit you

And ladies

(Ladies)
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
Really leavin wit you

Feels good don't it come on

(Guys)
It feels like sumthins heatin up
Can leave wit you

Ladies

(Ladies)
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
Really leavin wit you

Sure feel good to me
Sing it one more time

(Guys)
It feels like sumthins heatin up
Can leave wit you

Ladies

(Ladies)
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
Really leavin wit you

(Guys)
It feels like sumthins heatin up
Can leave wit you

Ladies

(Ladies)
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
Really leavin wit you

Gentlemen goodnite
Ladies good morning
Hahahahaha
And that's it

EIGHT: Save the Last Dance (Michael Buble)

You can dance-every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye,let him hold you tight
You can smile-every smile for the man
Who held your hand neath the pale moon light
But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me

Oh I know that the music's fine
Like sparklin' wine,go and have your fun
Laugh and sing,but while we're apart
Don't give your heart to anyone
But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me

Baby don't you know I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never never let you go
I love you oh so much

You can dance,go and carry on
Till the night is gone
And it's time to go
If he asks if you're all alone
Can he walk you home,you must tell him no
'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
Save the last dance for me

'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling,save the last dance for me
Save the last dance for me
Save the last dance for me.

SEVEN: Heartbreak Hotel (Elvis Presley)

Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
Its down at the end of lonely street
At heartbreak hotel.

You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.

And although its always crowded,
You still can find some room.
Where broken hearted lovers
Do cry away their gloom.

You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.

Well, the bell hops tears keep flowin,
And the desk clerks dressed in black.
Well they been so long on lonely street
They aint ever gonna look back.

You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.

Hey now, if your baby leaves you,
And you got a tale to tell.
Just take a walk down lonely street
To heartbreak hotel.

SIX: Geek in the Pink (Jason Mraz)

Well let the geek in the pink take a stab at it
If you like the way I'm thinkin' baby wink at it
I may be skinny at times but I'm fat for the rhymes
Pass me the mic and I'm a grab at it
Well isn't it delicious crazy way that I'm kissin'
This baby listen to this don't wanna miss it while it's hittin'
Sometimes you gotta fit in to get in
But don't ever quit cause soon I'm gonna let you in but see

I don't care what you might think about me
You'll get by without me if you want
Well,I could be the one to take you home
Baby we could rock the night alone
If we never get down it wouldn't be a let down
But sugar don't forgetin' what you already know
That I could be the one to turn you out
We could be the talk across the town
Don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another
You might regret what you let slip away

like the geek in the pink (do do do...)
well like the geek in the pink, yeah (geek in the pink)

Well my relationship fodder don't mean to bother nobody
But Cupid's automatic musta fired multiple shots at her
Because she fall in love too often that's what the matter
At least when i'm talking about it keep a pattern of flattery and
She was starin' through the doorframe,and
Eyeing me down like already a bad boyfriend
Well she can get her toys outta the drawer then
Cause I ain't comin' home I don't need that attention, see

I don't care what she might think about me
She'll get by without me if she wants
well, I could be the one to take her home
Baby we could rock the night alone
If we never get down it wouldn't be a let down
But sugar don't forgettin' what you already know
that I could be the one to turn you out
We could be the talk across the town
Don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another
You might regret what you let slip away

Hey baby look at me go
From zero to hero
You better take it from a geek like me
Well I can save you from unoriginal dum-dums
Who wouldn't care if you com....plete them or not

So what I've got a short attention span
A coke in my hand
Because I'd rather have the afternoon, relax and understand
My hip hop and flip-flops well it don't stop with the light rock
A shot to mock you kinda puts me in the tight spot
The hype is nothing more than hoo-ha so I'm
Developing a language and I'm callin' it my own
So take a peek into the speaker and you'll see what I mean
That on the other side the grass is greener

I don't care what you might think about me
You'll get by without me if you want
I could be the one to take you home
Baby we could rock the night alone
If we never get down it wouldn't be a let down
But sugar don't forgetin' what you already know
I could be the one to turn you on
We could be the talk across the town
Don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another
You might regret what you let slip away
like the geek in the pink (do do do...)
I'm the geek in the pink ya'll
geek is the color for fall
i'm the geek in the pink
so i'm the geek ya'll
in the pink ya'll
geek is the color for fall
i'm the geek in the pink

FIVE: Gimme That (Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne)

[Spoken:]
woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo..thats what ya body sayin'
woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo..

Chris Brown is in the building.

[Verse 1:]
The young boy just turned 16
and i got 6 4's and hot bikes that I rock

Keep 3 or 4 sweeties on my clock,
but all that swinging in that bikini just make 'em dizzy.

Slow all the traffic down to a complete stop, cause you speaking that slang that i talk.

That sassy tempo with that walk, maybe the reason that all this teenies may never see me.

[Chorus: 2x]
Momma you may be 3 years older but you hot (gimme that)
You be talking like you like what i got (gimme that)
I know you like it how i lean in the lac,
You can be in the bac sayin (gimme, gimme, gimme)

[Verse 2]
ma take a break let me explain to you
what ya body gat a young boy ready to do
if you take a chance and let me put them thangs on you
i can show you why i make them straight A's in school
Gimme That (Remix) lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/English/30942-Gimme-That~Chris-Brown-Feat-Lil-Wayne.html

ima hustla
not just my frame and age
gotcha thinkin that im just to young to turn ya page
i can picture
us switchin lanes
in the coop
with you on the phone screamin my name

CHRIS!!!!

[Chorus: 2x]
Momma you may be 3 years older but you hot (gimme that)
You be talking like you like what i got (gimme that)
I know you like it how i lean in the lac,
You can be in the bac sayin (gimme, gimme, gimme)

woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo..girl you serious and i been watching you
woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo.. that's what ya body sayin
woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo..hey yea

[Chorus: 2x]
Momma you may be 3 years older but you hot (gimme that)
You be talking like you like what i got (gimme that)
I know you like it how i lean in the lac,
You can be in the bac sayin (gimme, gimme, gimme)

FOUR: Cry me a River (JT & Timbaland)

You were my sun
You were my earth
But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no
So you took a chance
And made other plans
But I bet you didn't think that they would come crashing down, no

You don't have to say, what you did,
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river-er
Cry me a river
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

I know that they say
That somethings are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to him and you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)
All of these things people told me
Keep messing with my head
(Messing with my head)
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it
(Yea..)

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
(All alone)
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
(When you call me on the phone)
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
(I'm not like them baby)
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
(It's your turn)
To cry, cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be... leaving

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

Cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river
(You can go on and just)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

Cry me a river
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river
(Cause I've already cried)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea
(Ain't gonna cry no more, yea-yea)

Cry me a river
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh

Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)

Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river
(Cry me, cry me)

THREE: Lollipop (Lil Wayne)

[Intro: Lil Wayne]
Ow...
Uh Huh No Oh no...
Young Mula Baby
I say he so sweet
Make her wanna lick the wrapper
So I let her lick the wrapper

[Bridge: Static Major + (Lil Wayne)]
She she lick me
Like a lollipop (Yeah)
She she lick me
Like a lollipop (Yeah)
She she lick
Like a lollipop (Yeah)
She she lick
Me Like a lollipop

[Chorus: Static Major + Lil Wayne (x2)]
Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

[Verse 1: Lil Wayne]
Come On Yeah Okay
Lil mama had a swag like mine
She even wear her hair
Down her back like mine
I make her feel right
When it's wrong like lyin'
Man she ain't never
Had a love like mine
But Man I ain't never
Seen an ass like hers
That pussy in my mouth
Had me loss for words
Told her to back it up
Like berp berp
And I made that ass jump
Like jerp jerp
And that's when she

[Bridge: Static Major + (Lil Wayne)]
She lick me
Like a lollipop (Oh yeah I like that)
She lick me
Like a lollipop (I like that)
She lick me
Like a lollipop (I like that)
She lick me
Like a lollipop

[Chorus]

[Chorus: Static Major + (Lil Wayne)]
Shawty wanna thug (oh yeah I like that)
Bottles in the club (oh yeah I like that)
Shawty wanna hump
You know I like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

[Verse 2: Lil Wayne]
Ooooooooo
Okay
After you back it up
Then stop
Drop It shawty
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
Do do do it shawty
Don't stop
Shawty said the nigga
That she with ain't shit
Shawty said the nigga
That she with ain't this
Shawty said the nigga
That she with can't hit
But shawty Imma hit it, hit it,
Like I can't miss
And He can't do this
And He don't do that
Shawty need a refund
Needa bring that nigga back
Just like a refund
I make her bring that ass back
And she bring that ass back
Because I Like That

[Chorus: Static Major + (Lil Wayne)]
Shawty wanna thug (yeah I like that)
Bottles in the club (yeah I like that)
Shawty wanna hump
You know I like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

[Bridge: Static Major + (Lil Wayne)]
Shawty wanna lic-lic-lic-lick me
Like a lollipop
Shawty wanna lic-lic-lic-lick me
Like a lollipop
Shawty wanna lick me
Like a lollipop
She lick me
Like a lollipop
(I Let her lick the wrapper)

[Chorus: Lil Wayne]
Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps
Stat

[Break: Static Major (x4)]
Call me so I can
Make it juicy for you
Call me so I can
Get it juicy for you

[Chorus: Static Major + Lil Wayne (2x)]
Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I'd like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

[Verse 3: Lil Wayne]
I get her on top
She drop it like it's hot
And when I'm at the bottom
She Hilary Rodham (Ha)
The Middle of the Bed (Yeah)
Give and gettin' head (Huh)
Give and gettin' head (Huh)
Give and gettin' head (Ha)
I said hmmmm I like that
Say hmmmm yea I like that
I said hmmmm yea I like that
Hmmhmmm
Call me so I can
Come and do it for you
Call me so I can
Come and prove it for you
Call me so I can
Make it juicy for you
Call me so I can
Get it juicy for you

[Outro: Static Major + (Lil Wayne)]
Shawty wanna lic-lic-lic-lick me
Like a lollipop (Hahaha)
She She lic-lic-lic-lick me
Like a lollipop (I say he so sweet
Make her wanna lick the rapper)
She She lick me
Like a lollipop (And She Do)
She lick me
Like a lollipop
(So I let her lick the wrapper)

TWO (Tie) : In Da Club, Candy Shop (50 Cent)

[50 Cent]
Go, go, go, go, go, go
Go, shorty
It's your birthday
We gon' party like it's your birthday
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday
And you know we don't give a fuck
cause it's not your birthday!

[Chorus (2x)]
You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub
Look mami i got the X ,if you into takin drugs
Im into havin sex i aint into makin love
So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed

[Verse]
When I pull out up front, you see the Benz on dubs
When I roll 20 deep, it's 20 knives in the club
Niggas heard I fuck with Dre, now they wanna show me love
When you sell like Eminem, and the hoes they wanna fuck
But homie ain't nothing change hoes down, G's up
I see Xzibit in the Cut that nigga roll that weed up
If you watch how I move you'll mistake me for a playa or pimp
Been hit wit a few shells but I dont walk wit a limp(Im ight)
In the hood, In L.A, they saying "50 you hot"
They like me, I want them to love me like they love 'Pac
But holla in New York them niggas'll tell ya im loco
And the plan is to put the rap game in a choke hold
I'm full of focused man, my money on my mind
I got a mill out the deal and I'm still on the grind
Now shorty said she feeling my style, she feeling my flow
Her girlfriend wanna get bi and they ready to go

[Chorus (2x)]

[Bridge]
My flow, my show brought me the doe
That bought me all my fancy things
My crib, my cars, my clothes, my jewels
Look nigga i done came up and i ain't change.

[Verse]
And you should love it, way more then you hate it
Nigga you mad? I thought that you'd be happy I made it
I'm that cat by the bar toasting to the good life
You that faggot ass nigga trying to pull me back right?
When my jaws get to bumpin in the club it's on
I wink my eye at you bitch, if she smiles she gone
If the roof on fire, let the motherfucker burn
If you talking bout money homie, I ain't concerned
I'm a tell you what Banks told me cause go 'head switch the style up
If the niggas hate then let 'em hate
and watch the money pile up
Or we go upside they head wit a bottle of bub
They know where we fuckin' be

[Chorus (2x)]

[Talking]
[Laughing] Don't try to act like you ain't know where we been either nigga, but i lo chupe a junior yeah
In the club all the time nigga, its about to pop off nigga
G-Unit

*

[Intro: 50 Cent]
Yeah...
Uh huh
So seductive

[Chorus: 50 Cent & Olivia]
[50 Cent]
I take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollypop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)
[Olivia]
I'll take you to the candy shop
Boy one taste of what I got
I'll have you spending all you got
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

[Verse 1: 50 Cent]
You can have it your way, how do you want it
You gon' back that thing up or should i push up on it
Temperature rising, okay lets go to the next level
Dance floor jam packed, hot as a teakettle
I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into
Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor
Have your friends teasin you 'bout how sprung I gotcha
Wanna show me how you work it baby, no problem
Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider
I'm a seasons vet when it come to this shit
After you broke up a sweat you can play with the stick
I'm tryin to explain baby the best way I can
I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands (ha ha)

[Chorus]

[Bridge: 50 Cent & Olivia]
Girl what we do (what we do)
And where we do (and where we do)
The things we do (things we do)
Are just between me and you (oh yeah)

[Verse 2: 50 Cent]
Give it to me baby, nice and slow
Climb on top, ride like you in the rodeo
You ain't never heard a sound like this before
Cause I ain't never put it down like this
Soon as I come through the door she get to pullin on my zipper
It's like it's a race who can get undressed quicker
Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind
So seductive, you should see the way she wind
Her hips in slow-mo on the floor when we grind
As Long as she ain't stoppin, homie I aint stoppin
Drippin wet with sweat man its on and popping
All my champagne campaign, bottle after bottle its on
And we gon' sip til every bubble in every bottle is gone

[Chorus 2x]

ONE: Wall to Wall (CB)

Ladies
I'm going to need you all to back away from the door
We are trying to make way for Chris Brown
Ladies
You are not listening
I'm going to need you all to back away from the door
We are trying to make way for Chris Brown

I'm Back
(Pull up, pull up) can't believe the girls, club packed
(What up, what up?) shawty wanna lead me to the back (to the back)
Ain't been in here 15 minutes, got a pocket full of digits
And she just won't take no
(Hold up, hold up) now little mama wanna get mad
(Slow up, slow up) saying she doesn't wanna share what she have (she have)
Ain't no particular one that's getting the water gun
So many that I want

[Chorus:]
They packed up in here wall to wall and
I don't hear nothing but ladies calling
I'm tryna give one of them all this
But they keep coming from wall to wall

Packed up in here wall to wall and
I don't hear nothing but ladies calling
I'm tryna give one of them all this
But they keep coming from wall to wall

Another two just came up and said they love me on the radio
Two twins, that's a cool little scenario
They talking leaving right now
Wanna put in some time 'cause you know what they're already about
(One talking) about she like the way that I pop
(And the other one) said she wanna just watch
I'm game for any damn thang, but there's more than 200 dames
That's ready to go

[Chorus]

[Chorus (spoken with ad libs)]

So many look good in here
I don't even know which one I want
If I had to choose you all know
I would take all you all wit me
Who wanna try me on the floor
Who ready to come and get this
All I know I'm feeling this party
And you can see I'm so with it

[Chorus (with ad libs)]

[Chorus (spoken with ad libs)]

Yea smash on the radio, bet I penned it
Yea smash on the radio, bet I penned it
Yea smash on the radio, bet I penned it
Yea smash on the radio, bet I penned it

*

Well, that's it! What a big shocker that CB wound up first :P There are other songs, of course, that were SO close to getting into the rating, but...well, I HAD to choose ten :( The next chart would be my top ten fave vids; I'll try to get their links from youtube(:

Oh well. Till next time, then. I'm off.

Kisses,
Shali(:

DeaD

2008-09-20T21:22:00.001+08:00

I saw a lizard.

I DIED.

Just for laughs

2008-09-18T18:39:00.002+08:00

Just for laughs (no pun intended)

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, "pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

*****

A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."

So, he gets a cup of coffee. Then he sees that the guy next to him has finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?"

The other guy says, "No. You can have it."

The guy takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, he sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

*****

A blonde goes to the emergency room with a bleeding mangled index finger, the doctor asks what happened to her. She replies "Well, I was trying to commit suicide" The doc looks confused and asks "How did you think hurting your finger would accomplish killing yourself???"

She explains: "Well, I had a gun, and first I pointed it at my chest, but I figured since I spent 10 grand getting my tits made bigger I didn't want to ruin those. So then I aimed it at my face, but I had spent another few grand getting a nose job and facelifts, and plus I had just put on my makeup, so I totally didn't want to mess that up. Finally I decided to put the gun in my ear, but then I was worried it might be too loud so I plugged my other ear with this finger before I fired"

*****

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

'What are you doing?' she asked.

'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered.

' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.

'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.

'Love dress? But you're naked!'

'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.

'Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages
me for hours.'

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

' What are you doing?' he asked.

'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.

'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'

******

This one, we can all understand :P:P:P

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her Father cursed at her.

'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write
to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what
ye put yer old saintly Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, "*Sniff, sniff*....Da....I became a
prostitute..."

'Yer a what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this fine Catholic family.'

'OK, Da-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings
certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex.
And for you Da,
the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked
outside plus a membership to the country club........................
(takes a b reath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New
Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ...'

'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says Da.

Girl, crying again, "*Sniff, sniff*....a prostitute Da! *Sniff,
sniff*."'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a

Protestant. Come here and give yer old Da a hug.'

Hope ya'll enjoyed that!
Kisses, kisses
Shali
_________________

Prelims

2008-09-13T14:35:00.002+08:00

PRELIMS ARE OVER!
Can you hear the bells of salvation? OMG. I can!
Well, for now, of course.
The big O is another race altogether.

I'm just happy that I didn't MAJORLY screw up anything. The subs that I'm most afraid of are English and SS cuz I just don't feel good about them. (Tharsh and Kiru, the bet is ON!)

Well, I went to the library yesterday, just after the Amath paper. It was so fun with Kiru. She's such a dolt, but a cute one at that. AND I managed to scare Eve at the bus stop! Don't bother denying it, Eve. I know I had you there! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Back to the library part. I have a thirty-six dollar FINE! Can you believe it? I guess you can, since it isn't your fine, but I was so shocked. Seriously. In the end, Kiru graciously let me borrow two books under her name. It's been a damned long time since I read anything for pleasure only (My bio TB DOESN'T count).

And then I came home and finished Chapter six! Finally! For all those who know what I mean, great. For those who don't, too bad.

Sigh. It's just the start of the weekend and I'm already feeling bored. I think I might pester my bro to watch Wall.E with me later.

Oh yeah! Guess what? Out of habit, I woke up at two-thirty last night. And no matter how I tried, I couldn't go back to sleep. Talk about old habits dying hard. Sheesh.

The sad thing that I noticed through the week is that Mrs Raj isn't talking to me properly. It's either the fact that I screwed my English paper up or I did something to piss her off. But since I'm such a good girl, the latter seems to be impossible. Yet another reason to worry about my results. Oh well.

Gotta prepare for pracs now. Wish me luck for bio! (Chem doesn't function on luck, I've heard.)

Kisses,
Shali XOXO

LOOOONG POST

2008-09-05T22:57:00.003+08:00

2nd September:

WoW. I so loved today! Firstly, I got 100 bucks from my parents - not to mention a bible - and loads of other stuff from my friends. HAHA. It was just sad that I had to go back to school in the morn. But I guess it was all right since it was just Mr. Ant's lesson and he usually keeps it briefer than a D&G model's briefs :D:D

The main highlight of the day, however, was my birthday dinner! I had it at swensen's with all the loveliest people in the world((: I have to tell you that although they're lovely, they're quite WEIIIIRD. Yes, so much laughter, so much fun. Sigh. We took manymany picturess!

List of presents:
Aly, Trish & JH: A THONG, and a chain with a cross (how ironic, I know)
Dhanya: Chain (Damn cool. I love it) and a belt.
Kiru, Akshy, Tharsh, Brindha: Box-shorts, CB CD(omgomgomg) and other great stufffff.
My aunties: $1100 gold and white-gold chain. It is beautiful!

Friday, 5th September:

Birthday dinner with family. My goodness, Pratip has a girlfriend! Like a steady girlfriend. For all those who know my cousin, you'll know why I'm shocked.

The dinner was like a usual birthday dinner. Food, laugher, cake...
Other than the fact that I looked as hot as hell.
Oh, yes. Almost everybody at the party was shorter than me. Except my brother. It was dsiconcerting, let me tell you( Yes, I was wearing my black heels ). The people at the restaurant were so surprised that I was 16 instead of 21. EEHEEEHEEEE.

I know this post is a little disjointed. But it can't be helped. I have a date with bio now. BOOHOO!

Shali <3

One more day to doomsday :(

2008-08-14T20:18:00.002+08:00

Today was all right. Totally usual, drab, mundane - except for the event listed below, of course.

When I stepped into class, fiddling with the knob on my player, I noticed a stack of papers on my desk. Inside, I was like 'Great, I forgot to file something', but it was actually the stack of stories that Eve returned to me. Her only comment was: Where is the love? Shalini: Eve, it's EROTICA.

Besides that, Dhanya and I held a silent war through the day. I wouldn't talk and she wouldn't break the silence but in the end I think all the not-talking got to her and she said, "I'll go with you, Shalini," in return to my, "Can someone go to Tamil class with me?". Yeah. That's another record of silence between us, I guess (about 1.5 days).

I'VE GOT ANOTHER 15-16 HOURS BEFORE ORALS. I'm so nervous right now that the thought of it makes me wanna pee. Ok, that's just gross. Anyw, yes, I'm extremely anxious about stuttering through my passage, not giving insights to my picture and blabbering through my convo. Everyone's telling me not to worry but, guys, I'm not myself if I don't worry!

Oh yes. Tharsh liked the present that Kiru and I bought for her :D:D It was a red and cream coloures sun dress. I thought it would suit her. Man, was I right!

And as I'm typing this, Kiru is trying to make me feel better about myself (which is kind of hard, cause in my mind, I'm perfect) but she's still trying to tell me that all will be well. Kay serah serah. I love you, too, baby!

Ok. I guess that's all that went on today. Other than the facts that Akshy C's pregnant (2 months) and Ramya jumped over a full-on fan (like the cow and the moon thing) and YiYi improved in her oratorical skills! Whoot whoot!

Ok. Imma go now.

Cheers!

XXX,
Shali <3

Monogamy

2008-08-10T18:48:00.002+08:00

Is monogamy a myth? An outdated ideal? An unrealistic goal?

With divorce rates at approximately 40-50% across the Western world, why do our societies still hold an ideal of marrying and settling down with one partner for life?

Is monogamy feasible, desirable, natural?

That's what I got from a site that I frequent. Interesting, isn't it, how a world could change so much in less than a hundred years. In the nineteenth century, divorce rates were less than 0.1% and now, nearly half the marriages that proceed end in failure. Technically, that means that one in two of us will end up with a broken marriage.

Well, just how fucked can that be?

And to top it all off, there are still people arguing that divorces only take place because both parties in the marriage vouch to be monogamous. It is said that if both husband and wife are allowed to be polygamous upon mutual consent, it would definitely signal a drop in divorce rates because they won't have to go through an ugly seperation just to get their, um, hands on another. Seriously.

Then again, we have the newly developed idea of 'Open Marriages'. 'Now just what the hell is that?' you might ask. An open marriage is sort of like a marriage deal between two people. You get married, you have kids and after you tire of each other, you get to screw any other guy/girl that you like. Both partners would pre-consent to this, of course. This deal ensures that there will be no divorce that seperates the family and emotionally harm the children. But, seriously, don't you think that this goes against the codes of ones' morals? Why get married at all for just that? Can you imagine if you find out that your parents have an open marriage and that your dad is screwing some young thing at his office? Wouldn't it hurt to know that you were a product of such morally dented parents?

Yeah. It would hurt me, too.

Strive to be morally upright, people! Don't just go with the flow!

XXX,
Shali

It's up! It's up!

2008-08-09T13:17:00.001+08:00

I've finally got this thing running. Sorry to all those who've waited for me to put my blog up. The juicy stuff'll be on the next post. I swear ;)

XXX,
Shali